The Windmill Massacre
(2016)

im sorry what im sorry, what
Salsa: So when are you watching this and live blogging it here
ngl i instantly got the urge to watch it
gotta find me a new movie site first though
Mono: OF COURSE IT'S DUTHC
i expect it to be awful and not in a fun way
which is not something id usually subject myself to but im too curious now ope only had to try two sites and found it. im surprised it was that easy ..someone.. made a movie about this?
..is it a documentary?
ah dark social satire. that makes sense. neat poster tho thank u for funding this and furthering the spread of dutch culture im sure this was a good investment. gotta start with a quote
who si martin buber oh okay yeah fair enough martin buber after being told he's gonna be quoted in windmill massacre 51 years after his death this is nick jongerius, the director, i looked him up cos i couldnt remember if he was dutch (despite the name) and fuckin hell he looks depressed in every photo of him i can find more of his repertoire
even sniff the dog's gotta deal with something spooky anyway someone set some shit on fire
is is a windmill? probably
ben batt sure got a cool credit outta it noooo, belgium!!!
...or germany!!!
its kinda hard to tell.
or.. random parasol that just happens to have those colours!!
also its a caravan i guess ohh we got a foreign au pair do we SHE DIDNT FUCKIN ASK
s-sorry
anyway this girls name is julie and shes. uh well shes english enter rich dad man with the expected dutch accent of a rich dad man
orange tie for added dutchness im puttin a lot of faith in u rob and erik dont let me down delfts blauw vase for extra dutchness
her name isnt julie its jennifer and shes australian not english. she lied about who she was
the intrigue!!! tourist child at literally every building on the amsterdam canals its not btw and its easy to tell because there isn't a line in front of it that spans several streets. introducing english boy and his absent dad cos he was reading the newspaper instead of looking at a random canal house. hes a bad dad!
also whys the kid wearing a uniform outside of school.. considering ur still wearing ur uniform i dont think ur dad told ur mum about this trip junior ooooh rijksmuseum! aka the only reason i will brave the streets of amsterdam these days Salsa: ive been there!! wow...
i rly love visiting any time i go with jack we never make it through the whole place before closing time haha
Salsa: its huge!! me and simon also didnt see everything Salsa: also koefoed is a super danish lastname lol
a danish/dutch production
this guy's gettin hyperfocused on a painting of a brain being disected. A painting i dont remember ever seeing in the rijks but. they do have a lot of paintings i guess dr cooper u looked like u were having flashbacks to a scary event are u alright?
Salsa: is it a windmill related event
presumably! the flashes were so fast it was hard to tell does coke
gotta say not the drug i expected in a dutch themed movie but. weirdly.. pleasantly surprising...???
Salsa: local dutch is happy another drug than weed is shown
honestly u have no idea. its 80% why i was dreading this film
a dutch person caricaturising his own country is the most annoying thing to watch
like cmon u know better man
Salsa: youre more than weed!! youre also spooky windmills
exactly!!! ! introducing yet another main character lookin at a photo he has of him with presumably his nan superimposed on a picture of a building somewhere in japan ah he's spreading her ashes in places that were important to her, i think hey its that guy! hes in stuff!
dutch stuff! cos hes dutch!
i cant think of a single thing right now :) except griezelbus where he played a skeleton busdriver.
Salsa: WINDMILLS SPOTTED
OH SHIT!!! the actual mc of this scene, most likely. a french girl. shes a photographer man's got a lot of faith in this product
really good way to sell it to ur employee
>calendar about windmills fucking.
are you.
fire her now serge
Amy: one of them is secretly meatspin
w-why
i mean itd be crappy i suppose
Amy: idk i like to say cursed stuff starin at her like "i hope u die first madame baguette" stag do!! aka the reason amsterdam now has laws about noise at night.
thanks england. his friends pay a sex worker for him.. at his stag do? what? why would you do that... anyway theres a fuckload of noise in this building that makes you think youre watching a Hostel film
which.. could be a nod to the hostel films? those were extremely xenophobic. God I hate Eli Roth. fucking creep
anyway wheres the windmill man :( its right there in the title and ive only seen like, photos
Joker: I actually did get "Hostel" vibes looking at those two screenshots
yeah its not somethin i like being reminded of :( as much as i expect i wont like this film i do expect it to be better than hostel oh nvm nigel over here is having war flashbacks from being in here
nigel books it outta there and by nigel i mean jack/jackie meanwhile: jennifer
oh the burning caravan is something from jennifers past. she now lives on the streets in amsterdam cos shes on the run!!
tho we dont know from what she hasa child [somehow i didnt notice shes clearly a kid too in this photo] and also australian flag in the bg in case u forgot where shes from since the last five minutes where they showed her passport. we see her take her undisclosed meds that she has only one pill left of which reminds me to go take mine
so thanks movie
Salsa: What a helpful movie
i feel safer now i know windmill massacre has my back :) she sees a tour bus named "happy holland tours" and as shes on the run from the police she tries to get on but obvs doesnt have a ticket. the driver then says this
that "old man leading the MCs to doom/warning the MCs about doom" is a more common archetype than i realised
either that or i just didnt expect it here idk
hes dutch but abe is very much not a dutch name..
maybe he just uses it cos its easier for english speakers
nvm its pronounced in a hella dutch way
guess i just am not familiar with the name introducing: everyone we just met! and abe :)
thats a small bus. its like the opposite of Severance where the bus was way too big
>the real holland
time to go stare at some windmills woo countryside!
like in Men, but flat! hes all like ahh the windmill where would we be without it. anyway many farmers died horribly in fires. moving on
well i dont hate the main characters i thought they'd be like hostel tourist characters so thats a good start a windmill!!!!! jen goes outside to clear her head cos the windmill creaked her name (or something) and we get another shot of her empty pill bottle implying that she's prone to hallucinations
or. something of the sort dude its a single windmill u already explained it to them i think 10 minutes is a lil long anyway curt's dad be businessmanning by saying the most stereotypically businessman shit you can imagine curts mum isnt answering her phone and this is his dads explanation but my money is on he murdered his wife and abducted his son, unbeknownst to said son
and yes i based that on absolutely nothing
oh no dr cooper is sketching a skull! how ominous. he also read jennifers pill bottle. Hope this doesnt lead to some accusations of craziness later on
i think i recognise dr coopers actor.. anyway in true horror movie fashion everyone in the bus is talking to each other so we get drip fed some exposition on each of them
she is the girl of the crystal white ad. whatever that means
also they both spoke japanese and both with a heavy accent lol
one french and one.. idk where the japanese guy is from
oh the actor is japanese/english
gonna call u joey tribbiani from now on meanwhile stag brit is angrily sobering up in the back of the bus we learn the caravan is jennifer's home back in australia and also that her dad abused her. hallucinates her dad walking in front of the bus
the windmill massacre isnt enough we gotta have a domestic violence arson subplot girl u ran out of pills half an hour ago. why are u taking ur hallucinations serious already
Joker: Horror movies really seems to like to add "Oh and the MC's dad was/is abusive" yeah and most of the time it doesnt add anything
the bus broke down cos its a horror movie
theyre stuck on a sand bank of all places aw man were gonna lose the only dutch member of the cast already? of course they dont abe getting sued out the ass later nvm about the no asshole MCs thing the stag bro is a douche (what a surprise)
we all got places to be nigel shut the fuck up figure he needs to go to a specific windmill for his nan
doubt its the murder one but that would be convenient! dr cooper asks abe where they are on a map and abe triggers the hell out of his misophonia by loudly and disgustingly eating a cheese sandwich
im right there with u coop
hate that shit ok im super annoyed i recognise this man and his lisp im gonna dive deeper into his imdb page i know ive seen him!!!
>mr bucket in charlie and the chocolate factory
ok yeah but i wouldnt have remembered that
edge of tomorrow and GoT are the only other credits i recognise.. i guess its probably edge of tomorrow then
weird
sorry this is irrelevant
back to the movie
dr cooper points out theres no windmills marked on the map but omg where are jen and nigel going then??? jenn falls into jack/nigel so we can get a little romance plot going
keep in mind this guy was on his stag do.
also im gonna keep calling him nigel i dont care oh it wasnt a stag do it was just some british soldiers fucking around
aw man a stag do would've been more realistic though... im a little disappointed ugh nige stop being an edgelord [OMINOUSLY HOLDS CHAIN] could you guys stop doing nothing and standing still and go get help like ur supposed to? good god a drag queen had a bad time in the forest
Joker: Are those shoes? (They're very nice if they are)
oh nvm he imagined it cos he killed the sex worker back in the red light district. cos of ptsd i imagine. cos hes a soldier.
they are! anyway nigel got bonked and Jen is not a fan iiiiiiiiiiiiii dont think he'll make it.
i'd be upset but im not.
bye nigel!!
damn this movie is gory. Only one death and its already a massacre.
the killer really didnt like nigel
good effect tho! gj special make up lads omfg of course the killer is wearing clogs.
hes really adept at wearing those wooden monstronsities considering the damage he managed to do with em surprise no one believes jen cos she hallucinates and whatever
lets just ignore that nigel isnt with her. dangerous clog man!!!
he throws a bad cg crow at the bus window cos why not i guess
pigeon woulda felt more dutch to me
yknow scruffy city pigeon
but i suppose u get those in any city oh no the bus!
it was broken and useless already, but oh no!
the power of one dead crow tipped it into the water. curt hurt his hand when they fled the bus and his dad blames jen
yknow nigel dying took me by surprise but if the film kills off jen is when i will be truly surprised
unless its like, at the end. that doesnt count oh that does explain why his papa got so mad. ughhh finally were half an hour in and were not even at the mill yet
then again windmills are rather small on the inside so maybe they thought they couldnt spend the whole movie there anyway dr coop is convinced jennifer is currently psychotic and they treat it as well as you'd expect a horror movie to.
well. they dont tie her up so i guess its one step below how poorly they couldve treated it but bleh
cheap horror movie writing regardless french lady mean to japanese guy for no reason
bitch he knows you speak japanese youre the only person he can talk to as far as we know dont be rude to him in case u needed a reason to dislike abe and u dont have misophonia: here u go. ..he hallucinates his nan's dog?
..does the windmill guy make everyone imagine things? ah yes that place looks absolutely lovely.
where the hell are they that they found a place this decrepit thats within reasonable distance of fuckin amsterdam ...is it bad that my first thought was "aw that looks kinda nice!" you could fix those up! ...i think
im not good at furniture thrifting bitch where did u get church from
this place looks super lived in i wouldnt trust it for a second
abe should know that
even ruby went "this is weird" (ruby's the french woman) [ominous music plays]
i miss my hoh subs. now i gotta do em myself :c
some cloth ruby hands coop to put on curt's hand since it wont stop bleeding
sure lets use the old rag from the decrepit abandoned haunted shack! time to give curt twelve diseases that havent been around since the sixteen hundreds :)
oh they just showed it to trigger yet another flashback, in coop this time okay so we assume someone lives here? even tho the place is full of holes? i. i dont understand the thought process here
either its abandoned or you broke into a house you cant do both at the same time!
oh wait he means the windmill. never mind hes a windmill tour guide mr business what do you expect him to do??? hi im here to assess damage. lets hope im trained in sewing back together missing bodyparts cos judging by that scythe we saw earlier theres gonna be a lotta those in our future considering what she saw jen's holding up really well been here for hours they finally notice the japanese guy is missing
nick (yknow, the director) thought "we better get rid of the one guy who doesnt speak english asap"
Joker: 🤡 his nan's chair is in the forest cos again this clog wearing death farmer has hallucinatory powers for some reason och :( I like Takashi I want him to stay around longer
im actually surprised quite a few of the actors in this are pretty good
like.. probably too good for this script
also i misheard, his japanese doesnt have an accent [loudest clogs of the century trudge closer]
didnt know wood on soft soil made so much noise.
takashi allows death farmer to kill him, presumably over the guilt of how lonely his grandmother was
they didnt show it but idk if we'll be able to say the same for his corpse.
meanwhile abe finds a document about the execution of a farmer named Hendrich who was sentenced to death "for witchcraft and-" cos of course he was. ah yes that thing that the imdb description blatantly spoils.
i read a book about dutch folklore but i dont remember this one...
made up for the film i imagine theyre like we'll wait for takashi to show up but nigel can get fucked curts like dad ur being such an ass whats wrong and also where did curts tie go
hes angry cos he killed ur mum son
i still dont have any evidence for that. but he totes did thats rich coming from someone who killed their own wife i told you. he totes killed her.
the movie was like dang we made our cast too likeable, better start giving them shitty traits so the audience will hate them and cheer on their deaths
mr business: sexist and angery
nigel: just angery
abe: racist and eats bread gross
joey tribbiani: rude to takashi
and then theres
jennifer: final girl angel special blonde lady who did nothing wrong and has a bad past abooboo :(
takashi: dead
curt: a child goes to stand outside even though shes the only one who KNOWS theres a killer out there
what the fuuuuuuck i mean ok the building has a huge hole in it and if death miller wants to kill them theyre toast but its the thought of being inside that counts. jennifer thinks the miller is her dad which is weird but plausible enough that they should take her more seriously
but of course shes telling this to doctor coop whos convinced shes imagining it. idk why you'd tell someone you expect to be imaginging things to stop doing that cos HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER but.
expecting too much from the bad horror movie i am. dr coop hallucination time! featuring: toes! >bitched someone out for hallucinating
>probably thinks nothing of seeing this shit in a goddamn forest
Amy: are those jeans or did he straight up hallocinate a mortuar- almost!
close! oh look its the pattern of the cloth that madame baguette found. interracts with hallucination instead of going back inside the shack cos hes a massive hypocrite cos of course he is thats a hateful dress i suggest you stab her again dr cooper
no one who wears that should live as opposed to takashi dr coop refuses to take the blame for whatever happened to this woman.
which i assume is just. death on the operating table
which means hes a surgeon. which makes it weird hes talking down to a girl that he thinks suffers from a psychological disease, but whatever.
taking the bad movie too seriouslyyyyyy pov: ur jennifer oh thats why we got the coke shot. deep. coop hallucinates the lady punching him through the gut but surprise its actually satans little miller. goodbye doctor. oh takashi is alright!
huh i wonder if that means if you accept you did something bad you'll be okay..?
i cant show you cos its way too gory but god damn the special effects team really did their best for this one. when did we learn dr coops first name??? i dont remember that
also everyones like omg jen ur so cray crayyy
and takashi speaks japanese so i guess everyones just choosing to ignore him hes also looking at her like shes crazy even tho he saw the doctor too? god dammit.
Joker: Horror Movies - respecting mental health issues since never!
it only gets worse from here!!!
i thought we started off on a bad foot already but nope director nick said "you have no idea"
also the doctor died super close to the shack it wouldnt be hard to prove shes telling the truth
takashi finally tells ruby so maybe they'll take it seriously now hey guys this man corroborates what this crazy woman says we should believe it thanks ruby great start. ok at this point i feel like theyre framing abe next to douglas to make abe look worse than he is
every time douglas says something shitty they make sure abe is standing next to him though he never says anything you couldve just said "he said he saw nicholas get killed", because he did say that! its what he opened with!
but no you translate the gateway to hell part! ok well takashi's def dying now anyway. never a good sign when the movie calls this out this early
Joker: She's probably doing it on purpose because she doesn't like Takashi...which feels weird to do when there's a murderer going around killing people and this person has pertinent info to avoid being murdered
from the way its framed she does seem to be sincerely trying to translate what hes saying but yeah her early dislike of him wasn't properly justified. i thnk they tried to imply he fanboyed over her being in a japanese commercial but he only asked her about it a single time and then didn't bring it up again so her being rude to him doesnt make sense
and as i said he knows she speaks japanese, nobody else on the tour does, he doesnt speak english, so of course he'll go to her whenever he wants to talk to someone
its just stupid
this can go two ways and both will lead to death
people dont show remorse cos theyre shitty: they die
people do show remorse: they die cos takashi was wrong i mean you did kill your wife and abduct your son.
who still doesnt know about this. YOU DIDNT MENTION THAT HE SAW NICK DIE douglas douchebag status upgrade: angery, sexist and now also racist!!!
was this the state of horror movies in the mid 2010s?
is this why i stopped watching horror movies in uni? cos most of what came out was awful?
ah no wait 2016 is too late for that
well in any case
ive seen all these plot points a billion times and they were never good
youre an old white man like me!
anyway abe mentions satan turned the miller into a gatekeeper after his mill burned down or some shit
Joker: Abe and Douglas - do not seperate
otp
cheese sandwich man and sexist business racist meanwhile: miller be millin'
nick aggressively tryna make a windmill look spooky and dangerous hes like dick maas did it with a lift I can do it with a windmill!!!
(imagine thunder behind the mill I cant get a good screencap of it) i do hope curt makes it. hes just a boy cmon why do abandoned shacks in horror movies always have random teddy bears or plushies in them?
thats clearly a workbench shes standing in front of. where the fuck did the bear come from
who put it there? what kid plays around a workbench? what parent lets a kid play around a workbench?
more importantly: which set designer thought yknow what this spooky abandoned workplace needs? FUCKIN TEDDY BEARS
Joker: Maybe the teddybear wants to try out carpentry
the way its lying htere its not doin a very good job hallucinates some mor
e
yknow miller henrich ur no freddy krueger. Im getting tired of these hallucinations
she of course walks inside cos after seeing two people die why not? she remembers carrying her son or lbaby brother or whatever he is outside while she sets the caravan on fire with her dad inside
or mobile home. idk english shes like lemme give some exposition before i set my abusive dad on fire
i feel like there were some options you didnt explore before murder by arson but idfk maybe you did. the movie definitely didnt go into it
Joker: I like the yellow lighting - it's very comfy! (for a scene about arson-murder) it was a very sunny day when she decided to commit patricide :) oops her brother/son ran back inside. or its implied he did
its a small ass house idk how he got in there without her noticing i mighta not really shown it but joey tribbs is very nice to jennifer. maybe cos shes the only other woman there hhhhhow did you know that
he was sleeping when you put him outside and the next time you heard him the building was on fire
ok it doesnt matter im being pedantic
shes got guilt over the death of danny. not her dad. that makes sense
they see the windmill move so they go out there to check it out. since they need help
and by they i mean douglas and abe so im sure theyll be just peachy! the fuck does that mean Jtribbs
nobody made you be here
maybe take some photos of where u are now, who knows maybe youll win a fuckin world press photo 2016
human agony and all that yeah we know.
wonder if curt did something
maybe as a young child course you did. fuckin hell ruby.
another one on the list of "seemed okay at first until the director realised oop should make them more unlikeable so people are ok with them dying" abe you do windmill tours you dont see anything wrong with the state this particular windmill is in? or the fact that its in a place where there should be no windmills? which you should know?? i just realised i forgot to include who shes talking about. shes talking about a rival model she paid a yakuza to maim takashi is doing some rituals which feels like its in incredibly poor taste to be honest
the movie isnt acting like hes crazy or stupid but idk man its the one guy who doesnt speak english from a culture that isn't western. just feels kinda uncomfortable ruby goes out to get more wood cos the movie's decided her time's up huh. kinda comfy lookin this has happened like four times now and still no one has ran back to the group and gone OMG GUYS I ALSO SAW SOMETHING THAT WASNT THERE
you can still keep up your stupid horror murder plot cos its not like they can do anything to stop you just cos theyre aware theyre seeing things! it just means they know somethings up!
at least that'd be original sees a sparklyass pool of blood with cherry petals inside and of course decides to get closer cos thats a normal thing to do even hellmiller is like god damn i cant believe that worked she sees herself and its supposed to imply shes more beautiful but she just looks the same lol she cuts her cheek in the reflection and does more damage from there because i assume director nick invested a hell of a lotta money into the special effects and he sure as hell is gonna get every cent outta that budget
[just noticed u can see the prosthetic sitting on her skin...] ruby go sploosh
(death miller extraordinaire pulled her in) under the sea
well. under the sinkhole rather.
but yknow.
that was surprisingly gore free. she just drowned meanwhile douglas and abe have made it to the windmill! and this is the first thing they see. how welcoming! oh nvm most of the place is just dusty. that shot of the bloody wall was pretty confusing then jennifer sees ghosts in takashis smoke cloud of prayers. idk if thats like. real or shes seeing things hey look everyone its miller hendrich! its a windmill douglas god did you forget what tour you were on is he exorcising him? i have no idea whats going on meanwhile these two saw the beam in the middle of the windmill rotate and it was covered in blood, which i guess they are just fine with because theyre still here!
we saw douglas look at it, there was a shot of him looking at the bloody beam rotating, but nah no cause for alarm lads
were two old guys in a horror movie what bad could possibly happen to us? ah they come upon the corpses of nigel and dr coop and douglas nearly throws up while abe just kinda goes :o
so at least thats something thinkin of it the miller died in a fire. why does he have so much in common with freddy krueger lol takashis like ur the expert jen lets do this
(he doesnt actually know her past)
(that was just a stupid joke on my part. gotta clarify cos everyone becomes an asshole randomly in this film and i want to make sure u know takashi is still nice) next up curt and takashi recite the lyrics to their favourite song from the kaiser chiefs judging from their expressions im gonna say she didn't didn't didn't. of course he made it outta the mill. ugh internet explorer! curts being quiet as hell, it might just be the blood loss but when ruby asked him if he did something bad he didnt answer.
maybe curt killed his mum.
someone in this family killed that woman thats for sure.
oh wait if he did he wouldnt try to call her never mind oh shit douglas actually apologised! after seeing the bodies he believes jennifer
i mean itd be crazy if he didnt but this is a stupid slasher film and ive seen dumber lines of thought on these characters
Lou: AW FUCK YEAH WINDMILL MASSACRE Lou: sorry i had a nap after noodles kicked my ass so i'm gonna have to backread this with ollie later [Lou ate some very spicy noodles earlier this day.] he said sorry again! now say something nice about your wife and apologise to takashi and youre all good
now we just need to see abe eat a sandwich with some dignity and we're all decent people again. takashi and jen introduce the next plot point curt might be here physically but spiritually he definitely isnt
Lou: that man is so stoned. i mean. uh. stereotypes are bad.
curt is like, fourteen and his dad is with him so i hope not to be honest
not the best time god i hope this line was in the trailer. finally! oh wait if he did kill his wife thats gonna cause so much drama uggghg we gotta go kill the reaper miller from hell we dont have time for domestic drama
Lou: lmao i love when horror movies pull a "i say we just gtfo okay fuck this noise"
the dad wants to but everyone is like uh we gotta ritually sacrifice the miller first
and considering the miller has freddy krueger powers theyre probably right
at least in the sense that they cant get away
Mono: wait there is yakuza in this windmill movie???
nah only an offhand mention of one
Mono: JUST THE MENTION FEELS LIKE A LOT
it does come kinda outa nowhere lol she coulda just said she paid someone to cut a rival
Joker: I hope the sequel has more Yakuza in it - they were the highlight of this film I think
Mono: i hope the windmill is a yakuza member
i fuckin told you
Lou: idk what the direction was for this kid but wow he does not look present whatsoever
he's bleeding out
which he is selling very well lol i told youuuuuuu
Lou: curt was actually the yakuza this whole time
you have no idea how much id welcome that plot twist
Lou: LMAO release the windmill massacre yacurtza cut
also i think u mean "she was" douglas. curt runs off and douglas is like nuuu son come back im ur only parent now
Joker: Considering you're a racist sexist doug I'm hesistant to believe your judgement
Lou: woah what i missed a lot
douglas had an asshole arc that the third act is trying to go back on for some reason douglas hears curt call for help which is of course not real.
also the whole group is now split up cos of the domestic murder drama
can we please put that aside until after we've dealt with the miller lads
bit more of an active threat id say
yknow aside the admission of him hurting his (ex)wife meanwhile curt cry sad at tree. Jennifer the walking plot armor has found him so he's okay doug hears his own phone next to the mill and considering he knows theres dead bodies in there why the hell would he walk back up there.
if it was curt calling for help i'd give the movie that but his phone i find a little hard to buy douglas exits the movie stage left. the miller for some reason subjects curt to seeing this on his phone. cos this kid hasn't been through enough
idk what kinda sin theyre planning to ascribe to him to justify this
unless, again, he did something horrific as a small child but idk abe kills takashi cos hes in on it.
fair enough.
not the killing of takashi, thats annoying.
i liked him.
but the guide being in on it is fine.
they do that all the fucking time he just said "one guy down" and then this? what about jennifer? shes still alive
oh wait. she wasnt supposed to be on the bus. she doesnt have a ticket
she's not part of this whole thing. thats the most final girl horseshit reason ive ever heard ..at least he got the country right this time. yeah i have a lot of faith theyre gonna be able to burn down the mill with mister crispy miller's sidekick right there
also i didnt point it out but the guide is actually played by quite a well known dutch actor
id call it neat but again hes too good for this movie lol
"its a shame that an-" oh what ur just gonna tell him now
u gonna kill him right in front of jennifer or someting hes just like man this sucks to the kid
at least tell your master showing his dad's death on his phone was a low blow
theyre laying curt being innocent on so thick im almost certain hes done something
its the most interesting thing about the movie at this point SPOOKY DUTCH ANGLE!
yknow, for added dutchness!
even though the dutch angle is actually german! :D
the sound design on the windmill is good i gotta give it that
Amy: .... i just think of imperial star destroyers from star wars whenever i see that shot of the windmill
its creaking is very consistent cos its spinning and its actually pretty ominous and spooky i like it ...this shot?
no, like the ships in general. the windmill blade and the edge of the wooden wall created a very similar arrowhead shape
Amy: more the general shape https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/File:Blackguardsd.jpg (this angle is apparently pretty rare)
ahh i think i sort of see it now ok well thats not good i guess the miller is a creepy reaper who tortures the people he takes to hell or something
kinda shitty hes got an underling to kill any innocents who happen to be there, like takashi. Thats so unfair
but satan be bad yadda yadda it just seems weird he punishes bad people if it includes stragglers
Joker: Yeah - I mean you're a magic demon. Just send them home with your magic demon powers or something
yeah they couldve done something interesting with that
but thats too much work i guess
easier to go for cookie cutter slasher script
also the miller threw a crow into the side of the bus. the fuck did that crow do? was it a sinner too? meanwhile curt is made to wait outside and watched the blades of the windmill go by as they spin. The film is implying something is gonna appear on the inside of the wing and i gotta admit its pretty effective im waiting for something to appear OH GDI I DIDNT MEAN JUMPSCARE MCGEE JUST STANDING IN FRONT OF IT
i think maybe the blades were supposed to make you feel at ease cos curt started falling asleep :/ shes spread fuel all around the groundfloor so theyre good to go but nah son she just noticed theres an upstairs and shes just gotta check it out!!!
while in a room with three maimed corpses.
what a normal human reaction to have :) sorry man i just gotta check out what these red lights of hell are doing up here miller pulled her down cos he doesnt want her to see. hes very secretive of his work.
even tho its a legend. u cant see how the mill works that ruins the magic! the miller left curt alone so iguess he really is innocent. idk why hes taking jen then. i mean she did kill two people but she regrets it! isnt that good enough? the miller turned into jenny's dad. gotta have the hallucinations before you drag someone into hell i suppose this line never goes over well i swear to god omg theres no one there! but how?
Amy: ... is jen going to kill curt by accident and then the miller has a legit reason to kill her?
i doubt it
theyre not in the same place right now ok so is she guilty or what cmon movie decide meanwhile abe gets ready to get rid of curt. you wont feel any pain he says while picking up a bolt cutter (seriously why a bolt cutter lol)
inb4 jennifer storms in and saves curt
so she can save one little boy at least! unlike the one she couldnt back in the day nvm curt managed to set the place on fire on his own and the miller caught fire because of it. curt is a strong independent secondary schooler who dont need no adults ok he might need an adult a little bit. jen runs in with the swiss knife abe gave her earlier.
i like the energy but those knives are pretty jank.
ur more likely to cut your own fingers as it snaps back shut than u are to stab him i think
maybe try the corkscrew thingy its got instead that usually gets stuck when u get it out anyways huh guess abe kept it sharpened. hes not too worried hes bleeding super hard lol but hes like NO IVE GOT A JOB
hes also laughing! thats cool i like that this mill is on fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire why are you smiling your parents are dead oop here comes the ptsd oh nvm its the miller standing there in true slasher villain fashion well i think u can. who gave u the authority to take her
ur just some dutch murderghost
shes an australian girl which bureau in hell gave her case to you
bit farfetched if you ask me oh well there goes jennifer. curts tie is still missing
where did it go..
she also died super gorily. gross. and there goes the mill
if the miller is okay with curt living why does he even have a henchman to kill innocents? nows not really the time for the kevin mcallister face son. abe is also fine which explains why he didnt really care about being shiv'd. [ominously creaking windmill noises] oh no a new group of sinners!
good thing sinners love windmill tours so much. oh yeah he said that! oh open subtitles i dont know what i would do without you. it ends on the title. classy
just gonna assume curt safely made it home where he now lives with a very loving aunt and uncle that do their best to get him all the support he needs for the rest of his life and nothing bad ever happens to him again.
Joker: Ugh, I hate it when horror movies do the "Actually they all died (did Curt die?)", makes everything the "Final Girl/Guy" does to survive and finish their character arc feel pointless
yeah i kinda get it here with the whole sinner plot but it wasnt executed well at all i kinda feel like this movie had potential but was super generic for the most part, plus while the gore effects were good quality at some points they ruined the impact of a scene (eg jennifer's death. she gets hooked through the fucking head.)
i give it a ghost ship out of ten.
which is. like. a 3 out of 10, iirc.
not really worth seeing :( but to be fair i expected that. Still it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be! I dont regret watching it