n it was really good. if a little on the nose ngl so uh. guess they/them is next (for context Id watched Abigail before and a friend recommend I watch something actually good before diving into they/them)
i'd give immaculate a 7 outta 10
what is happening to his face
is he both they and them
omg jason hiiiii i didnt know this was you
who is this
oh. another streaming service. 
anyway
thats the dumbest opening line ive ever heard oh yeh state only the most obvious thing about the fuckin woods ever
and then be unsure of it
anything else profound u wanna share with the room
bitch thats a road when i think isolated forest i think yknow, the fuckin forest not a massive man made road cutting through a forest
oh thank god its just a stupid audiobook turn it off
>immediately hits something after turning the book off
oh no, its! ?
i cant see shit
oh the tire is fucked
i can sorta see that ig uess
i hope the whole movie isnt this dark
[deep drone of ominousness]
walks into it for no reason like at leasst stay on the line with the road police or whatever those guys are called
walks back to car trhe suspense!!
boo! CG deer deer are such a weird horror movie trope
oh no is that they/them?? man was it really cheaper to cg the wholeass deer instead of just getting a handler and an actual deer for like, a few hours
oh they/them uses a tiny lil axe.
oh thank god no more darkness well. except. like. metaphorically.
gee i wonder who the mc is. god they couldnt have they/themmed the mc harder if they tried
judges the forest
they have the same hairstyle. one of them is gonna have to change i wont stand for this
[america's next top model ending slate music plays as they woosh out of existence one by one] idk what i imagined for people going to a conversion camp but. not really this
oh no its the judges
...kevin bacon? hes like this isnt normal conversion camp this is COOL conversion camp!
hes like god doesnt hate you and you be you this is basically a therapy trip
he introduces the other councilors or whatever and this guy whos the groundskeeper and def not like. a fakeout killer
ah shit theres a dog
bacons been monologueing for like 6 minutes and every shot of this person this is their face even when they showed duke
put some respect on duke at least cmon
ok well thats immediately gonna be an issue
oh i guess its only them that identify that way then since everyone else immediately skedaddled
jesus christ this is life is strange tier dialogue
bacon's super understanding and it unnerves nyanbinary cos they didnt expect it i figure time for the therapy circle of character introductions
he then immediately corrects and says hes there cos he made a deal with his parents 
i feel like they told this guy to watch a compilation of rupauls drag race talking heads and just parrot what he heard and saw there
oh she was too busy stewing to aww over duke i get it now
this guy isnt mentioned by name so my money is on wer'e gonna lose him real quick
same with her im. starting to feel very uncomfortable now saying all that
i guess horror movies have targeted vulnerable people in slashers for ever but still
dude the girl on the right didnt even get a headshot at any point we only got to see like five people
like i get theyre not all main characters but i feel like for this scene you coulda given em all some lines
at least to show you put in some effort
jordan is here cos their fam will leave them alone if they stay the week i figure theyre all supposed to read as minors as theyre regularly referred to as kids so jordan can't do that without some legal involvement or smt
duuuude what happened to your hair
wow big cabin kinda empty though. the friday onesd are a lot cosier from what i remember
woo day for night! at least it means i can see whats going on
oh no character without a name watch out!
shes in the shower and everything its like were back in the 80s. 
gasp! a homophobe (probably.)
(idk. some councilor.)
anyway gross you shouldve knocked you creep
oh sorry she's the tall girl, i mistook her for another character. shes been moved to the boys cabin
bacons like u gotta stay in the wrong cabin cos u werent honest with us. jordan was so im nice to them cracks are showin pretty fast
anyways jock is super closeted so hes just there to insult everyone
so they make the tall girl dress as a guy and in a show of rebellion jordan puts on her dress this movie feels like jason voorhees is just gonna stumble into the movie and start killing people like he's on the wrong set
compilation of everyone become friends at conversion camp
omg theyre like that picture. i cant find it. :(
its of a punky looking person and a girly looking person exchanging notes under the table
yeah so its before shit goes down but one of the things they take from the kids is their meds which is kind of a subtle first red flag that was kinda nicely done imo
as like, a hint
shes like I NEED THEM and then says this so i figure she just doesnt want her head to feel like its full of bees (tho i imagine its not actually zoloft)
oh it is actually zoloft. guess i wasnt aware its considered "pretty powerful" but uh yeah the actual DOCTOr at the camp is like i cant give u your meds cos the clowns running this place say so
oh i was right in the first place oops
omg she did the right thing. thats not very two dimensional horror movie of you
[ominous drone of a guy is there]
is that the gym teacher this movie is so dark
it is. were half an hour in and so far we had a lady with a bad haircut listening to a horrible audiobook get murked and thats it.
initiation is this gonna turn into a cult movie
im here for that
ngl it is a lot less shlocky than i expected so far.
but theres still an hour left so imight be speaking too soon
jordans kinda pulling off the cult robe ngl
veronica meanwhile making the one face she can make even when blond girl gave her that bracelet she was still all like i like u but the scowl is staying
bacons all like ok kids were gonna leave you in the forest in the middle of the night
dont american forests have bears and coyotes
isnt this like. actually dangerous
Joker: Depends on the forest and what part of America you're in - some have bears and coyotes, some wolves, and some just plain nothing
ahh i guess theyre in a nothing forest then
ugh guess we have to ✨ bond ✨ now
theyre chained up in pairs btw.
au chained together in the forest at night at conversion camp
the scowl had you fooled im not chill at all actually
omg an owl i love owls where is it
well. yeah. its. its a conversion camp. that kinda goes without saying.
like how a forest feels isolating.
oh ok well if ur gonna call it out yourself
HEY GUYS DID U KNOW THERES HOODS ON OUR ROBES? DO I LOOK COOL OR WHAT
meanwhile the counsillors go through the kids bags for some more future psychological torture
jordans doodled all over a bible they have and this councillor doesnt seem to understand that bible annotation is super common in christians and if anything they should applaud it really
hee hee hoo hoo i am evil
ooh thats kinda a cool illustration! tho i suppose the duck murder is sad
what does it meaaaaaan
god damn how did they make a lodge look so sterile i figure its supposed to look super out of place
make it more uncomfortable
seems kind of a weird environment for a therapist
but probably again. on purpose
oh no the script is struggling again how do u write a therapist like this like she could be fake understanding and shit but this is easier
shes like "u became a snowflake to get their attention!!!"
ok like what is the goal here
shes just kinda insulting jordan for a few minutes while jordan sits there looking like theyre holding in a cough and saying nothing its a weird scene
not a good weird
anyways it got to them. idk how it was all really generic but maybe were supposed to glean from the therapist reading their bible that it was like reading a diary so she was spewing jordans own fears back at them
they bond with alexandra over how hard it is to always have to reaffirm who you are without being able to just be and i am once again remembering this is a slasher movie, somehow
oh god the theatre kid is coming out.
ugh toby not you too oh wait he wants to go see moulin rouge.
how did i forget.
ok i didnt recognise it was this pink song until this line. any other generic "youre fine the way you are" slop you guys wanna belt out next orrrr
veronica no i thought you were better than this (i did not)
(if id have to pick any of them to start singing pink itd be veronica)
fucking hell no no no im not sitting through you going into fucking verses the chorus is one thing but now im skipping ok well that was lame and cringy and again not in a good way.
did i just hear a door creak? is this my call for death?
DUYN DUN! its the groundskeeper with a spooky stinger
oh no taxidermy! in a lodge!! so spooky!!! they got a whole fuckin zoo on that wall
set design went ham and ordered too many stuffed animal heads
reminds me of abigail
anyways jordan went snooping and finds a random folder tucked away in a desk with a buncha pictures of childrens abuse yknow that secret stash of incriminating photos every camp just has lying around
"we better snap this photo of susie lookin real sad, having proof of our misconduct is a great idea"
oh no the doctor!
oh ok
..ok
omg are u the killer jordan? what a twist that would be
anyway thats some marvel tier dialogue god damn.
also aside from generic psychological bullying one might expect from a conversion camp theres been no signs of physical abuse or anything you could make a case with in court
so idk why jordans acting like kevin bacon's been slapping them around
did set design get some free creepy dolls with their overstock order of stuffed animal heads why the fuck are these here lol oh its the groundskeepers hut. he just has a ton of dolls to make him extra creepy
very natural. very realistic.
then the killer comes in and shoves him into his monitor so the film is implying jordan is doing that
but then we saw jordan seeing the killer up on the hill and also they dont know the groundskeep was a creep
hi i want to bond with u over my dog i love animals, you learned this from the previous scene cos i was showing people photos of my dog
:)
i like this kid. i dont know his name. i dont think they ever said it..
he sounds european as hell
haha SYKE were a normal conversion camp!! heee hee time to practice your tradwifeness :) so the boys and the girls got separated
also shit that guy just pointed out Duke looks sick. And the girls are forced to cook. Im worried bacon is gonna make one of the boys kill Duke
cos its MANLY
oh oops that actor is from brazil not europe. i will hide now
this shot makes it look like theres only five people in this whole room none of the girls at the table are named lol where are the mcs
oh theyre over here. wherever that is perhaps veronica's scowl is so strongk the councilor has to stay outside of a certain radius of it
blah blah shootbang the guns men strongk women weak its biology blah bluh hey remember this is a slasher movie speakin of did nobody check on the groundskeeper or what
u can be gay but by god at least impregnate a woman at some point (srsly why did it suddenly swing so hard)
oh what there was a creepy closed up cabin on the grounds this whole time and only NOW we get to see it?
huh i never knew we had a torture chamber cabin.
i gotta give it to this actress i fucking hate her good job
movie come onnnnn
jordan meanwhile is a fantastic shot cos theyre from a military family or whatever
subtle.
whatever we all know jordan's gonna out-shoot him man this movie is a giant nothing burger so far
fuckin told u
hes like ok were gonna shoot some real things now whoda. whoda seen that coming
creepily hits on ..student idfk
camper
i mean shes not a kid but bleh this is gross anyway
she says this about kim (the blond girl) what the fuck is this scriptttttt
like thats not even a double entendre thats just "im gonna stab you cos blood and cherry pie are both red"
idk what the fuck that was supposed to be
she just makes kim so uncomfortable that she runs off then laughs
meanwhile kevin bacon is like "oi kid shoot my dog"
fuckin called it
fuckin happy ass dog all they did was ruffle up his fur a little bit to make him look "sick"
didnt try very hard did u movie
he intimidates the hell out of toby so yeah camp is full on mean evil times now i mean we knew that from the start this was never gonna be a nice place
but
again
this is a slasher
wherre is.
where is the. what is going on
like im not saying people need to die every five seconds like idc about that its just IDK MAN this is boring
hey whered you get that they took all ur stuff
hi im here to bond with u more cos we're the b-plot masked murderer is d-plot at this point
oh veronica isnt struggling with herself shes just at the camp cos shes writing a college paper on camps like these which she just confessed to kim
girl me too where the fuck is he!!! tldr they fuck on the pier
meanwhile these three plot to escape camp
ooh i remember this shot from jennifers body tho the water in that looked a lot cleaner.
damn u gotta stand there so ominously
what the fuck hes ripped haha i didnt expect that
how the fuck did you guys get into the torture cabin from the lake also why would that be where u go
anyway they also fuck and the movie shows as much of it as it can without showing dicks
this feels more like a spinoff movie for sex education or something
theyre def banking on "we made this movie for the gays!" like you need to do extra shit for that in the horror genre
this guy's like i only care about two labels predator and prey what are you >where is this going
oh no you had sex with our decoy gay! (???)
ew i prefer decoy gay
ugh christ now what its like a classic slasher where 95% of the kills are in the final ten minutes
except i hate almost everything that happens before it
then they shock him while they show him pictures of men with abs
lol
thats so fucking stupid holy shit
Amy: thats how you make masochists :)
oops we nearly aversion therapied him to death
im not just homophobic i am also sexist!!
i am telling you my whole plan cos that is a very smart and sensible thing to do
oh nooo the town is in on it maybe idk kevin bacon seems to think soooo
hes on the goddamn chamber of commerce! then he fires the doctor and says tomorrow ur gone
like she cant still take him to a hospital
and at least try with the authorities
Joker: But Priestess - he fired her! That means she's completely helpless and holds zero authority now
ugh if only she was still employed she coulda done something :(
oh no the evil straights! well theyre actually not, the girl harrassed kim and the guy was conversion therapie'd himself
ugggh took you long enough!! yeah so they both look at pictures of other people while doing it lol
this mvoeieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
no evil straights. only kevin bacon.
and gabriel. lookin like a sad but very buff rennaisance painting.
he stumbles across the body of the caretaker the movie really is gonna do all the kills in the last ten minutes god damn
oh no now hes in the aversion chair! ..whatre they gonna show him
ok i am. legit very curious who this is oh its just the same slideshow but super fast
that makes sense i guess otherwise itd imply the killer put together a new slideshow lol
anyways rip fabio
er
gabriel
they walk into a lodge that has the dead bodies of the councilors in it
id scream too but my face is practically stuck like this now also i dont like any of these dead people
well. they dont know fabio was evil. so they might be a little sad about him.
the amoujnt of times theyve used this fuckin drone shot it mustve cost them half the films budget god damn
anyways now both the good guys and the bad guys are together in yknow, tryna survive the night
fuck them kids
i guess these two bonded off screen, whoever they are hell braid girl seems to be wearing the initiation robe still
this would be sweeter if stu hadnt fucked fabio like, two scenes ago. i know he was tricked but still.
oh look its literally everyone else. im. not sure why they put the robes on them.
like.. how.. is that gonna help
they dont even have names its time for them to leave the movie so i can have a standoff with kevin bacon and the doctor can die heroically or pathetically jury's still out on that last one
well im glad ur taking this very seriously
kim and veronica are still here for no reason (the reason is theyre named characters)
(shh dont tell anybody)
theyre going in another direction from the main group but idk why..?
like i know jordans gonna confront kevin bacon or whatever but thats a secret
so why did they stay behind
it makes no senseeee
the therapist is also dead and in the closet with jordan oh haha shes in the closet.
kevin bacon has a gun
ah its not jordan. who could it beeee
maybe the ghost of conversion camps past?
always with the head tilt
oh. uh. hm.
oh she is the ghost of conversion therapy's past.
oh the woman she killed at the start was the real doctor.
shes like im hollow and its because of you thjis is what you do to children so now im a murderer and you did it!
shes like i did this so the media will talk about it and conversion camps will stop existing girl just "you guys ruined my life so i killed you" wouldve been fine as a motive
angie and kevin bacon get into a scuffle resulting in angie losing the upper hand and jordan stepping in, grabbing bacon's gun and now omg who are they gonna shoot?? Joker: I feel like you could of achieve the same results through a podcast or setting up an interview with an unaffiliated newstation Kevin Bacon couldn't influence (But far be it from me to question the methods of a slasher killer seeking revenge on conversion therapists)
itd be a very different movie if it went that way but yeah her motive is. like srlsy it should just be "i hate you i kill you" cmon
angie kindly you still have a bowie knife youre standing next to the man who ruined your life just fucking stab him you dont need the nervous enby also jordan is nonbinary but the film kinda treats it like they're male? owen keeps calling them son and boy
jordan then proceeds to not shoot anyone angie still forgets she has a knife
ah nvm she remembered
the killing orrrrr like whatre you talking about. you said they ruined your life. i dont think ur in a position to talk some positivity into jordan lbr
oh she did mean hey lets go kill the councilors at other conversion camps ✨ together ✨
nah i think i'll just stand here and look slightly unnerved like i did for most of the movie
deep.
i hope theyre walking towards the end credits cos i am done
stiiiill walking
gdi another scene
yay theyre okay. hurray
got arrested. thats not very slasher villain of u its original i guess
wow this looks hella natural.
grinning at nothing in particular
cant u sit next to your girlfriend like a normal person
i love talking to veronicas elbow
the scriiiiiiiiiipt ugggh first step your pussies up now live your best life
waiting for someone to say "doctor molly being the killer had me like wig?? snatched!!!"
NO.
fuckin hell movie how many shots of jordan looking uncomfortable do we need!! end already!!!
ok where are those ending credits cos i thought i knew where they were last night but i clearly didnt
finalyyyyy well that was very boring.
Abigail made me very angry however and this didn't.
I didnt like either movie but for very different reasons and i think i dislike abigail just a little more cos it had no interesting characters whereas i actually liked some of the people in this one
but it is a massive nothing burger dont get me wrong
while abigail could prolly be fun if you watch it with friends and have a couple of drinks.
i mean dont invite me cos im just gonna be groaning throughout the whole thing but yknow.
been a few days and the more i think about it the more i realise this movie is just a nonbinary version of this britney clip
