How To Make a Monster

ok i posted the horse im gonna go watch a bad horror movie now like i wanted to
THANK U you know its a good one when you look up the title on youtube and the clickbait lookin one is actually the movie.
oh shit no subs..
ok well. my pirate sites dont have it, possibly because it is on yt. i generally cant find the movies on yt anywhere else so. guess i cant screencap any subs :c the credits are dramatic as fuck
its all like OMINOUS! ELECTRIC! SUSPENSEFUL HORNS!!! look at those 2001 graphics. did i mention this movie is about a game studio? i think i did the mc walks through the same hall for like a solid minute then runs into this satanic battletoad oh theyre focus grouping it and kids just laugh at it. great writing
gdi i gotta pause less im not gonna spend ages on how to make a monster!!!!
but uh yeah the game is a disappointment. They immediately test it on children instead of testing it with, yknow, a qa team
lol the games name is evilution
I wonder if they wanted to call the film that and were then told NO oh no evil businessman! he's like the games gotta be scaaary
lol what they kick out the indie devs and replace them with.. idk a wrestler? what they consider scary people? first up: this dude who killed someone??? who named HIMSELF HARDCORE secondly: dwight but somehow dressed worse. also with unconvincing acne makeup.
actually worked in viddygames
his. his nickname is bug. sure. sure why not hi my name is sol and if this movie was made in 2022 id have a controversial podcast
im not joking hes an ass whos all like ur an idiot. i know everything. im smarter than everyone in this room. jeeeeesus christ thats a big man
also peep the early 2000s sunglasses
...apparently they expect these guys, just these three, to make a viddygame. bug is the only one whos made viddygames hi heres our protagonist mary! you know youre supposed to like her cos she carries around cookies for no reason. also shes the only girl cos of course she is
oh shes an intern
ngl so far this is stupid fun
the script is sooooo bad but they seem to be self aware at least
also the guys interact like theyve been friends for years so im just gonna pretend they are even tho the intro implied they all applied separately and didnt know each other oh theres another woman. shes. shes just the businessguy, but a woman. idk why its not just the one person
scary is what we do says hardcore the murderer
the lady is like FIX THE MONSTER i guess they'll keep the rest of the game. but they only have a month to replace it
jfc this place is like umbrella but they make videogames. they get locked in there if they dont make the game lol thats not a good sign. after three weeks hardcore still calls mary a spy even tho the director of the company made it clear anyone trying to spy would instantly be caught out.
also the way he tries to intimidate her is by shooting a crossbow bolt at her.
no wonder he got done for involuntary manslaughter. hes like look at this bolt it rips out half the wall, looks scary right? well wait until you see someone shoot it at me, later, at some point, probably bug is short. the movie wants you to know. its very important. i guess
also they dont work together now because whoever makes the best monster gets a million bucks. so there goes that friendship, i guess
meanwhile mary is just trying to be nice, gosh!! hey sol i brought you wine cos im sure getting you drunk on the job is a great idea
thinkin of it the stuff she brought them is really passive aggressive but idk if the writing intended for it.
she brought hardcore deodorant, bug acne cream (which she clarifies is extra extra strength) and sol wine. which isnt backhanded but giving someone wine on the job is still weird
sol is watching videos of super violent shit to make an AI. in 2001 google, i guess
hes like it will give the game PERSONALITY
hint hint cant you see how smart i am, intern??? I've got a circuit board sitting out on my desk! jack walking by: omg is that SACRIFICE??? I loved sacrifice!!!
so i guess they did a good job with the set decor
anyway the business man is complaining the three devs were pitted against each other cos obv it slowed progress like mad
oh mary's name is actually laura. oops
hes like oh laura youre young and pretty, you should be looking for a husband who could wife you, not hang out here with a buncha viddy game geeks (which he counts himself among so idk is he supposed to be the head director?? i thought he was a mr moneybags but whatever)
i'd tell laura to go to hr about his remarks but this place is only five people big including her and i dont think hardcore is doing hr on the side. so.
he should tho. could shoot people with his crossbow on laura's behalf. lauras like i dont wanna find a husband cos i had a friend whos husband became a scumbag
cos its 2001 and i guess she needs a reason to want to pursue a carreer instead of a man ok i dont know the director's name. I'm gonna call him phil. So phil is actually willing to listen to Laura's plans to improve the game (cos hes not supposed to be written as a sexist asshole, they did that by accident) but then oops on the cctv we see Hardcore trying to kill Sol and We Cant Have That
maybe this wouldnt happen if you didnt lock them in here for a solid month. lovin the hand acting here
also jesus christ how big is hardcore i knew it i knew it he had to be a wrestler lookin like that there was no other way
also jfc he's 6ft9 (2.06m) oh my god its bayonetta i love your work
whoever was in charge of the shots made sure you could tell
1. hardcore is big
2. bug is tiny
now we're on it anyway... wow. (160cm)
they try to get goth fran drescher naked cos theyre like you gotta be naked for mo-cap!!!
oh 2001 you were a vile, vile time.
our heroes everybody
wtf her titties are like, all out. this is youtube
hypocritical goddamn website
this is looking like a scene from heavy metal. the animated movie. bleh
i dont miss that about old horror movies the suit is malfunctioning cos a lightning strike hit the building. also they tied up bug. for. some reason
also they clarified that
1. sol does all the coding
2. hardcore is in charge of weapons (?)
3. bug does the sound
I guess the idea is they dont need more cos theyre only making one creature but like. shouldnt there at least be a character designer and a rigger/animator on board
i suppose the makers just thought naaaaaahhh the mo-cap does all the work theyre makin sol fix the electricity cos hes the smart one!
sol: looks like the power surge from the lightning overloaded the circuitry
phil: in english?
phil are u for real
also his name is actually demmond or hwatever according to imdb but fuck that you are now phil i. i dont know. this shot just. looks like it should be screenshotted
laura is like pls help me clean and theyre like NO cos shes the good one and they are the bad ones!
and by bad ones i mean theyre. well. im starting to doubt the movie wants us to like them
the devs are dickheads, phil is an idiot and laura is a complete doormat hi sorry im just cleaning up all this trash that accumulated over idk when and clumsily trip in the background of the scene because im just, yknow, that relateable and awkward Lou: (16O CM IS NOT TINY!!!!!)
(i am 160cm.... am i doomed to be tiny....)
(dutch men are tall as hell so for one my views are skewed. also as i said its based on how they frame it in the movie or i wouldnt have pointed out the height differences!)
Lou: (to be fair height difference is a fun dynamic to play with)
(yeah frankly i really like how theyre super different in height lol its kinda fun, never noticed its a bit uncommon) ok ill stop about the height differences now but seriously. its like they were cast cos theyre all such different heights this game is straight up doom but like. sorta 3d. wow
also laura doesnt know how to play videogames. idk why she ended up interning for a videogame company then, they explain she wants a career but not in what so how did she end up here immediately start fighting cos a course they do so this is an enemy in the game and it makes me wonder how the hell they ended up with the final boss they had at the start cos this thing looks. like, fine for what this game is trying to do. who put in the evil kermit omg laura is super good at the game, whoulda thought? even though she didnt even know how to move forward.
my guess the game is on attract mode though cos boy she is mashing that one joystick and the b button like theres no tomorrow.
realistically her character would slowly jitter to the left while the game would constantly ask her if she wants to exit the game or not, but not in evilution
she really likes pacman. they explained it that way for some reason shes like wow that was scary guys!! and they high five
or somethiiiiing
maybeeeeee theyre allowed outside and i swear the only reason sol isnt in this scene is.
you know why. meanwhile laura is looking at fish cos shes just so caring!
ohhh the next scene actually shows laura is an intern at a game company cos she believes computers can help people. and using them for viddy games is innovative
but then her supervisor is like oh my GOD laura nobody cares about helping people!!! they only care about taking money, geez.
then he steals some of her noodles to prove his point that shes too nice or something shes like thats not nice. so ur a monster (!!!!!!) or a victim. and her supes is like ehh you'll learn
cos like why would he change his mind cos she just goes "well thats not very nice"
so thats that for that brick to the head of metaphors scene, back to the umbrella corp of videogames dont you just hate it when your computer does that
Majo: at least it had memory to load that neat font I suppose!
im glad it spent its last energy on doing so. very important to at least look stylish
Majo: brb adjusting my bangs so the coroner doesn't catch me looking the slightest bit disheveled
sol sees his AI is finishing the game.. somehow
but obvs he's excited cos woo million dollars! even tho he should know that makes no sense. but. 2001. i cant screencap motion but i'd like you to know sol is another fan of mashing the hell out of one joystick while occasionally tapping a shoulder button and nothin else. innovative gameplay style
yeah you want them to be impressed when they see you. like damn thats not good but also: wow
sols character is pulled under ground and so is he in real life!!
you die in the game you die for real, guys
well, not underground. he was pulled under the table. bug returns and. dude. what the fuck is that youre wearing omg How To Make A Monster AU HardcoreXBug Slowburn Coffee Shop Fic (Height Difference) r18+ dont u know hardcore? some bugs BITE
um theyre looking at sol's corpse on the floor. idk. hes just. in the server room, dead.
bug is like we gotta stop this but hardcore is like. no! idk why. its not really justified. but we do learn here bug just got drunk and went to sleep last night which is considered a BAD THING because it is not VERY COOL also what is this electric blue butterfly shirt
and why do i know there are several fashion brands trying to bring this back.
please, no. leave it in 2001. this man is like peak male physique and it doesnt even look good on him. stop oops that was not laura's supervisor. it was phil. he's so bland i thought he was two different people.
also they didnt have the budget to pay more than, like, six actors JESUS MOVIE DID YOU HAVE HIM CROUCH? WHY IS BUG SO LOW TO THE GROUND
they are 100% trying to make him look shorter than the actor is. the shot between him and laura/phil dont match up at alllll if you look at the eye lines I WAS RIGHT
the main actress is only 5cm taller than him
shes a single inch taller is she standing on a goddamn box
also is bug wearing green cos bugs are green
ok probably not everyones like wheres sol??? and hardcore really makes it sound like he murdered him which isnt a good look considering, you know, the involuntary manslaughter charge.
and also the fact they caught him strangling sol. multiple times.
and also that he legally changed his name to hardcore. omg the friend she talked about who had a shitty boyfriend is actually laura herself!!!! jeremy cant be bothered to write out fucking (which, when it comes to the g, i find relateable) but then does bother to put in an apostrophe. three. fuck'n. times.
(actually its five oops) the door makes a weird noise and laura is all oh no its my apostrophe loving ex-boyfriend !!!! but actually its the mo-cap suit, i assume,
i dont know its been like fifteen years since ive seen this, oh no wait its bug because fake jumpscares lol this is the height difference between me n jack this is not 5 cm come on.
5'8" + 6'3" for reference.
thats almost 20 centimetres. cmon movie meanwhile hardcore checks last nights cctv and omg five nights at freddies???
then he gets attacked by the suit which has sol's corpse in it. but everyone thinks theyre just doin their usual fighting anyway everyone finds hardcore afterwards making mince outta sol's corpse and theyre all like weeeeelll hardcore we know you "involuntarily" killed someone before. which we were willing to overlook for this job but ehhhh now youre doing it here? if we had an hr department theyd be very upset
the suit ends up killing hardcore and taking his body, which, is not too gross lookin cos this movie is made for tv lol
is it stupid though? hell yes then bug explains the whole plot of the movie to phil because its stupid and needs additional explanation
it comes down to: lightning strike suit, suit now alive and evil, suit kill people and try to get best human body it can to kill
the end.
well. not the end of the movie. end of bugs explanation ok lol we just got a makeover montage for the mo-cap suit
fair enough ok identical screenshot lol i swear this is three scenes later. bug explains they cant shut down the game because htey cant find the backup disc and without it everything they made will be lost.
two people died.
who were presumably your friends. and even if not, thats still two dead people.
and even if you want to be heartless about it, you can sue the company for way more than one million for the fuckin life hazard they put you in.
also where did your acne go. this bitch then freaks out at bug for not knowing how to program or model weapons even though hes a SOUND DESIGNER
Ah yeah cos you pick up the skills of the people you work with. thats how that works
like not even in a videogame context thats like saying a janitor in a hospital can take over from a doctor if they work in the same rooms enough bug is like im pathetic and laura is like noooooooooooo we should try to get out of here alive we should shut down the game! and then bug is like tell me honestly would you kiss this face? which is.
laura's like i wonder if hr woulda still been alive if we had one
(you know it wouldve been)
(you know hr attracts karens and in this situation for once that might be a good thing) shes like uhhh yeah maybe if you like. were dying. i can see the extra extra anti acne cream did its job so thats a plus hes like look at me laura im like a baby faced rick moranis and not half as funny nobody would kiss me [ominous demonic chanting and electrical wires surging]
(i have no captions ok i have to do it myself)
bug is tryna shut it off cos laura was like welll i guess i might maybe kiss you or whatever
im glad 2001 is so far in the past.
oh no the building went into lockdown. its like umbrella as i mentioned imagine this but like. a black man's head on a white mans body with a buncha wiring attached to it.
and also it doesnt speak cos remember bug did all the audio and hes not in the thing. omg laura's ex-boyfriend is danny masterson???
I hate that i know his name he's actually a massive scumbag irl
hyde from that 70s show also love how he still rocks the 70s haircut i bet he was like look man that show is my main income im not shaving the fro or the sidebangs
(this guy) it really is him. and he really does have the exact same hair.
also hes just threatening laura through the door while shes like HELP but the whole building is on lockdown so all a this is pointless
he calls her all the names in the book and you can really hear the apostrophe when he says fuck'n
idk where he went but meanwhile the three inside try to get out
bug blows up the building in an attempt to kill the mo-cap suit thing sadmusic.wav phil skedaddles the moment they find him as if he didnt just sacrifice himself to save them. phil you dbag rip bug. i will miss your tendency to sit on your knees in scenes phil slaps laura in the face after she figures out how the monster works and she slaps him back and hes all like goooood i was wondering when youd learn
bitch you have a desk job
she is interning for a desk job
no wonder this place has no hr if this is how he teaches his interns
(i was gonna say what desk job warrants slapping but no job warrants slapping lol) anyway she beats the monster while wearing the vr headset cos cool videojames yall!
oh also phil tries to kill her cos they got the backup and he wants to save the game so it can be published. but she kills him first! woo
and he's all like were all monsters cos that brick wasnt enough and the script decided to drop a whole anvil on us to drive the point across ffw to the future, laura is a hardcore business woman now. no more misses nice guy. some interns are about to get slapped i wasnt joking heres the new intern and she's immediately really mean to her
moral of the story: when you make a videogame theres a chance your equipment will try to kill you. also your intern might become a heartless dickhead if that's what you teach them.
also the real height difference between 5'3 and 5'4 is 20 cm.
oh yeah uh so also the making of the monster in the film is actually laura, not the suit lol
its so deep!!!