hey sinners
all a you
kickass time
.. after i finish this episode of ted lasso its a lionsgate film! as are many ive discussed
when jack saw that he went omg what horrible horror movie are you watching this time??
Majo: sometimes a fair question!!
true true kick-ass is marvel. But its pre-deadpool days so they were too pussy to put their own name on it, thus the lionsgate label. And also "marv" slightly later on.
oooOOOooo cant let people know we make movies where people say fuck!!
until it becomes marketable!! like, several years later!!!!
sorry i'll try not to make this liveblog a superhero rant omg the empire state building. The empire state building! also known to tourists like me as "that building people try to sell you the elevator up to the top to whenever you're anywhere near manhattan" also: this guy!
he looks like the guy from the non english film that has a similar premise but i forgot the name :( i should watch it, really dave, our mc, keeps monologuing. dont we all wanna be super? fly free, my friend! live your dreams everyone and joe biden is so impressed! oh. ...oh. ah. 2010. we need to point out he's west asian, like that makes a difference. only a non-american would try this. or. something.
i'd check my comic book to see if this is just a direct quote but.. i dont have them on me ;_; maybe next time i visit my parents i'll take em home
>prodigy song is playing
>no subtitle this movie better have hoh subs
gdi it doesnt
cant look a gift horse in the mouth i suppose
imagine prodigy is playing over this shot. any song. its fine haha its double meaning of thats me cos its both the fictional mc and also aaron johnson whos credit is currently on the screen!
they also tried to make him look "bad" when fuckin hell you cast AARON JOHNSON
the only bad thing about him is the other movies he decided to star in
and also some other things that require way more explanation than i have bothered to research UM anyway the movie his friends! aka the other two guys who tried out for dave lizewski (the mc in this movie) and didnt get it oooh 2010s internet, look at that
no todd im watching the funniest video about indian cows ...i forgot about that. gonna assume this is from the comics
tho i remember dave in the comics being way more malajusted than the film one so maybe this is the film tryna match that
Acea: u should photoshop him watching family guy on yt here WELL THANK GOD FOR THAT
legit contemplating if i wanna go through the effort of doing that dave has a crush.
the comic actually handles this better than the film does. i'll get into that when it becomes relevant
i'd like to point out i dont think the comic is better than the film necessarily, theyre very different, and i like both of them
but they def have their own individual strengths for my own sake i wont linger on this but yeah dave's mum just died at breakfast i used this gif here recently!!! tho i dont remember the context
but uh yeah its from kickass lol
hes basically saying im not gonna do that cos i cant cos it was an aneurism sweets they probably have
no wait i know for a fact they have
u never heard of the batman guy? he did a good job of it too! well that depends on. your idea of what a superhero is.
tho i do think Super had a more realistic approach than kickass has. That guy just had a pipe wrench and went to town on people i mean, fair fair what if youve got like. you like, attract more static than other people. so u can sorta shock people on command. how about that. or like, you can vom whenever you want. some people can do that! does that count as super? dave a course immdiately goes uhhh but like what about baman so what youre saying is we should kill elon musk cos hes not batman daves like im not saying you should i just dont get why its not real dave's like everyone wants to be paris hilton why does no one want to be spiderman and todd makes a fair point
except after elsagate im sure spiderman has at least several porn tapes
but that was post 2010s so fair enough ayyy the whole reason that inspired me to watch this film after watching renfield. it's chris damico! or christopher mintz plasse when he was in his prime of looks-like-an-awkward-lispy-teenager-despite-being-slightly-older-that
aka original mafia son who does things cos hes got money
anyway dave says that cos chris has no friends. cos of his family daves like ok i will make the friendship move hes lookin away now but chris def seems like he's happy about being approached rip friendship attempt
so chris in the movie is actually sympathetic. Chris in the comics is... how to put it
excessively cruel and he loves it. they're very different dave and todd get robbed on their way home. its either that or get the shit kicked out of them as opposed to what you weirdass fuckin store the stare of i saw you get robbed the faces of "i saw you see us rob" the curtain draw of i am scared and pretend i did not see
dave's like we'd all have done that lets be real hes lookin up hero costumes and shit but this is his "im looking up titties" face
nice acting aaron meanwhile in ikea: some mafia guy gets interrogated by other mafia guys it would! this guys pinkie is in a bad place. the mob doesnt believe him. they think he stole their product (which, unsurprisingly, was cocaine) as opposed to.. yknow, getting robbed by a batman lookin guy yeh dont keep his son waiting. wonder what movie theyre seein rip tre's pinkie. guess chris is a lil upset he had to wait his dad's like cmon bud we'll only miss the trailers and chris is like BUT THE POPCORN DADDY
this is all underscored by tre (the redshirt) screaming in agony hes a good dad. takin his son to the movies. gettin some drinks and some snacks. look at im. he's really doin what he can.
as a mob boss i mean.
and also a dad.
iirc his name is frank these three left the cinema after the damicos went in but i figure they saw the same movie
whatever it was im sure it inspired daves will to become a superhero even more so yeah he got himself a suit. its a diving suit. he took off his glasses to put on the mask n u can tell the director was all like alright aaron u better make goofy faces or they'll know ur pretty heehheheh love how the mirror makes it look like hes got a lil flower on his head he actually played a superhero in a movie that sucked ass but i forgot which one
and which movi
he was quicksilver!!
whoever the fuck that is!
bad movies, bad use of aaron johnson
ngl i dont like him as kickass but he's pretty cute as quicksilver
ill get back to the movie. hes all like yeh im so cool! while hopeful music plays meanwhile! its chloe grace moretz! and nicholas cage! hes like ima shoot you but youll be fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine shaboom hes like now u know what its like! (shes wearin a bulletproof vest if that wasnt clear) and shes all like IM COOL IM FINE
(she is cool)
(and she is also fine) ok well uhhhhh i hope yo udont get caught then cos thisll be a hard one to explain to anyone shes all like ok but only if we go bowling after and also have icecream and hes like ok if u dont wince or whine so i guess she succeeded her initial answers are normal things a young girl might want and nic cage looks at her like ??? how do i do that but then shes like LOL DAD JUST KIDDING give me a murderweapon please meanwhile dave is like omg im just like supes i can hide it under my shirt bit hot tho
but he feels like a badass u can tel
l ahh. nostalgic, isnt it tries to jump rooftops stops
mate i do not blame you
holy shit if you flub that jump you'll break both your legs at best
AT BEST !!! its those two daves like omg heres my chance
god i wish i had the comics on me. i bet this line was lifted from there cos it fits comic dave so well.
hell lemme see if i can find an online version..
found it. this is dave in the comic wonder why they change the subject of the teacher he jerks off to ha! first direct ref i found
also fun fact the name of the mc was chosen via contest. The guy who won got to pick the name... And picked his own. Dave Lizewski is a real guy. Whos name is now attached to the most pitiful "super"hero in marvel history, likely
also i was wrong, the line dave says in the film was not lifted from the comic. what he says in the comic is homophobic. the comic is from 2008. Dont misremember the early 2000s lads, they were shit ok dave u could look a lil more confident cmon the movie had no subs here so i decided to illustrate oh this line is from the comic!
oooh direct visual reference. nice nice anyway they start hitting him
while prodigy's omen plays
it goes pretty hard even if our hero is havin a bad time ill be honest but he fights back cos hes got a baton!! but this guy has a knife. rip they naruto run away from him
if anythin dave's lucky they didnt have a gun. oh also he walked in front of a car so. theres that thank god someone called the hospital for him cos it sure as hell wasnt that driver meanwhile damico goons complaining about not having a gun thanks i feel so reassured
buttons to sharpness ratio is through the roof breakfast time at the damico house
DAMN love the excess of apples and tulips and cakes. whos gonna have those
if i was on this set i'd know the answer
i will have them. i will eat the set cakes while were not filming. fuck you DONT EAT THE BAKED GOOD JOE ITS MINE chris is like i wanna know the mob bizz mom but his mom is like ur seventeen how about no yeah that anyway frank tells his son no and joe tells him oi some guy is fuckin us over and unless its a ghost its probably that batman lookin guy
also god damn thats some comis ass shading on this mans face i never noticed that before .. oh thats why. this is what nic cage's character does to unwind. paint comic
ignore all the guns it's her birthday and he got her the knives she wanted. how sweet! he quizzes her on idfk weapon knowledge and she aces it of course
her name is mindy. i forgot but i remember it now ah, classic meanwhile chris plays pretend with a gun oh ok joe just calls chris i guess oh he doesnt. Frank just lets his son fuck around
thats kinda cute
nic cage's character (i forgot his name sry) raises his daughter as a hardass murderer, taking away her childhood, while frank d'amico tries to give chris a childhood despite the fact that he's the heir to a mob family. cage's chara has the choice to raise his child normally but decides to make her fight, whereas frank damico knows his son will always get mixed up in criminal activities but he at least tries to let him experience normal childhood
didnt notice that when i watched it as a kid frank does karate joes like hey frank that torture device you like is gone but we do have a different thing meanwhile chris messes around with some nunchucks
when i was a teen i had a friend who did this.
he hit himself on the head once.
he grew up to be a total nice guy.
fuckin stereotype he was.
wonder how hes doing now
better, i hope
yknow, as a person they put a guy in the microwave one of the things that rly stands out for this film imo is the dialogue which unfortunately i cant really cap
cos thatd be a lotta screenshots :I girl its a microwave what do you think is gonna happen
would you interrogate a ready meal
or an egg
huh if only that was the worst of their issues. like an egg in a microwave. except its a guy in a microwave. this guy things its hilarious meanwhile dave has a fuckload of metal plates and rods inserted into his body to support his skeleton after getting hit by a car supportive dad tryna make sure his son is ok aaaaamericaaaaa
is it really that common for ur schools to have flags in em like that
ive got friends here who are embarrassed at their neighbours flying the union jack
world a difference if thats legit
so yeah dave doesnt feel anything cos of the metal plates in his body shes like hi i like you now cos youre 35% metal his friends are all like wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
girl talk to friend what is thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis
(its 2010)
(still bad)
(a bluh bluh) oh.
i forgot.
dave was found in the diving suit. yknow, his super suit or whatever. and he asked the paramedic to please not tell anyone about it. and the paramedic kept his word!
but this did mean that the story instead was that dave was found naked after being physically assaulted by thugs and then sustaining massive physical trauma.
again. its 2010.
people made really shitty deductions. including this girl.
dont have faith in the early 20s. things were still shit in 2015, look at the duff. God knows when it got better. UGH
tldr his crush (her name is katie) thinks hes gay and thats why she approaches him.
thats why shes suddenly comfortable with him. his friend instantly calls it out
i wont screenshot it cos its a lot but daves recovery in the comic is a lot longer and also waaaaay more depressing
he sees his mums ghost and also cries over how much debt he's left his dad in with his injuries tho this does happen. no serial killer line but essentially the same thing
the comic essentially has the same storyline about why katie is comfortable with him, tho it emphasises that dave is ugly and also more girls than just katie are sympathetic to him for what happened (or what they think happened) look i get the whole glasses =/= alter ego thing but what about ur eyesight
how well do u see without em
whats blurry is it close or far
u dont wear those for fun cmon hes got two sticks now! myspace! and flip phones! what an excellent name for a cat yknow how it is gotta start small dude first rule of cats is theyll come down on their own once they stop bein little bitches falls trips guy on the way down oh no a fight! the prodigy kicks back in
omen, to be specific
scott pilgrim vs the world got invaders must die, this movie got omen
no preference. both are excellent tracks
movie wise. lol u know my opinion he gets involved! hes got the hero bug now kid runs into diner. tells the people. all this does is make people film cos of course it does! also security cams
he keeps fighting cos becuase of the plates he doesnt feel anything hi if you listen to the kickass OST, you will get some lines from the film before the song starts. this is one of them as is this line damn. at seventeen. thats dedication
the criminals fuck off cos they hear sirens and also everyone filmed them yay name drop and now hes gone viral he becomes massive after laying into a guy during a single fight which. i feel like that wouldnt be enough nowadays
but lets say it was in 2010 and i'll shut up mindy thinks hes neat but her dad's like hes stupid chris is like i love him i made a facebook page for him cos its 2010 and. oh wait thatd be myspace i guess? idfk his dad's like I can fix all your problems for you and [rest on the screencap]
in another clip they said kickass looked like a transvestite. Now Frank says hes wearing tights when its obviously a full body suit eg. a diving suit. Whats with all the "ewwww feminine clothing!!!!!!!" bullshit
2010 i know i know but god damn watching slightly older movies has been a painful deep dive into how shallow pop culture was not even that long ago hey dude i think you and i are incompatible so im comfy asking you to have a coffee with me waddya say he says it all full of doubt cos theres NO WAY a Cool Girl(tm) like Katie reads comics
fucking hell i feel so bad for teen girls who liked comics who were into guys
bottom of the barrel treatment right there scott pilgrim is shit idk shojo beat its manga and i frankly dont know whats included in it so i cant judge scott pilgrim still kinda counts. they have weird abilities. even if they only use it to fight scott. shes like omg i wish kickass would help me with this drug addict and then goes omg cant believe im telling you dave it must be cos of how gay you are!!!
(seriously dave did nothing special)
(he just went huh what would you contact kickass about) his friends are all like yeh pretend your gay it'll be funny for us
and dave being an idiot complies so shes all like ever since i was little i wanted a gay best friend is that weird?? and he fuckin LIES the comic version does the same thing, so the film is just following suit. tho the comic is definitely more despicable about it
as in comic version dave is more pathetic and unlikeable than movie dave. I'm not disparaging the comic for this; they never meant for Dave to be likeable, that was just a change the movie made. Comic dave is a huge fucking weirdo and thats what they were going for kickass goes to a house of a guy who katie tried to help but he punched her so he goes there to try to get this guy to leave her alone the house. violent viddy games cos thats EVIL! thats what drug dealers do!! close replica of the comic tho weird line but
straight from the comic
weird one to lift but. they did yeah u come across real well rn they look very intimidated oh no its mindy/hit girl and she just killed rasul!! and she said cunts! while shes like, ten! isnt that cool??? thats so cool!!!! plays fun lala la song while she murders the whole drug crew
she also throws kickass a look to indicate she thinks hes cool and she supports what he does! shes not aware hes just kinda a nerdy guy who got lucky her dad had to snipe the final guy so he schools her a lil omg its the batman lookin guy.
its her dad omg she jumps roofs shes so cool hes all like weh im not cool meanwhile the damicos oh no. these two break into daves house
theyre like COVER UR TRACKS BITCH hit girl keeps goin like i thikn u can do it man i still think ur cool
maybe cos then shes not alone anymore. its just her and her dad rn
thats gotta be tough for a kid frank has a contact at the police cos a course he does. god id kill for some noodles right now meanwhile: big daddy and hit girl smoosh one of frank damico's guys
he specifically makes her do it. what a great dad.
like yeh sure thats cool or whatever but also shes like, 11, shes entirely molded by her caretaker at this point, which is her father. so good luck adapting her to anything else but this lifestyle shes like put self tan on me dave im comfy cos ur gay
:IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII meanwhile big daddy's old partner (marcus) finds the comics big daddy made i guess they got the og comic guys to paint these mindys mom killed herself but she was still born. its like repo but mean
as in like: mindy was born this is cool tho its definitely drawn by the people who did the OG comics
also: big daddy is actually heroic in the film. hes a real cop who got sent to prison unfairly and raised his daughter to be a vigilante to do real justice
in the comic hes a loser ass nerd who drew comics and lied to his daughter about his past, raising her as a vigilante murderer under the false idea he was ever someone who pursued true justice when he'd always been just a guy who killed people he deemed to deserve death
movie big daddy: did not lie
comic big daddy: lied
oh his actual name is damon
i dont think hes called that by anyone but his partner tho marcus telling some truths
no thats just why you made that decision. you made her that way still meanwhile frank follows kickass in broad daylight oh dear i think hes a lil upset. his drivers like this is a bad idea frank kills a random onlooker and also this kickass cosplayer because he is Very Upset "jfc", thinks the driver katies like omg cant believe rasul is dead what if its my fault aaaa its 2010 and i have so many feelings!! because youre gay and safe and everyone else is od'ing fuck off. meanwhile chris is like daddy let me help you hes like dad i know ur tryna give me a normal childhood and whatever but i knwo ur a crimeboss and i wanna help so like heres my idea bitch dont judge its useful listen to yer boy frank he even made you a list. he's ready for the corporate world that one theres a new superhero! oh wow! ah yes the actor whos beefy and the actor who has a lean body cos he always gets nerd roles. pov ur a male writer in 2010 and you dont even have to fucking try dave is still on the "hi katie im gay" act and his friend is like lolol let me mess with you its so funny!!!! tries a cape cos katie said it was cool wow that sure is a website. sweets im not upset but is that really the best way to word it.
>jumps off dumpster >hurts his knees
i mean, relatable, but also, im like ten years older than u so god damn it starts that early huh also i feel like now is a good time to tell u guys i had this poster in uni.
when i moved from one apartment to another closer to my school i ripped red mist's face in half, so that was the end of that. But I did have it for a couple of months at least. hes like ill be ur robin man cool car montage cos red mist has MONEY this is what he looks like in the comic
chris in the comic is just a maniac. he fools dave for a lil bit but hes evil through and through [gnarls barkleys "crazy" plays] the ikea is on fire and chris runs right in there while dave is like uhhhhh but what about the firefighters ah fuck he ran in cos hes a good boy
we see frank drive off even though his own son!!! is in there
what the fuck chris tries to get dave outta there and he succeeeeeeeds disappointed dad view
or somethin oh the fire was big daddy. frank just thinks it was kickass ah frank didnt realise chris was there. hes very happy to see chris is ok chris is like pls be nice to kickass hes just some guy and also my friend its someone else dad chris shows his dad and his goons via a webcam he grabbed from the ikea warehouse that the person who actually killed everyone there and set it on fire was big daddy, not kickass
the ost here is the same as it is in 28 days later when he breaks into the stronghold, btw. Same composer. It works for both films, but it is a lil weird they both have the exact same music playing at a pivotal violent scene
at least to me la la ala la waiting hes like hi im kickass and im not gay i love you and shes like omg thats so hot i wanna fuck you immediately. turns out a lil more realistically in the comic.
so yeah in the film they date, in the comic they dont. red mist is like were in trouble and kickass is like i told my gf id stop being a superhero im no longer a virgin so i dont care!!!! but red mist is clearly Very Serious red mist is like pls call over ur superhero friends im not being manipulative whatsoever meanwhile: these two made a thing websites dont look like that anymore. cmon. dont you miss that?
i do significant scene with only ambient music and no sounds
red mist makin a face cos he knows hes gonna get some people killed, the first ones where the deaths are his fault and his feelings are visible on his face also damon gettin ready to go to the safehouse (where hes been lured by the damicos) dave who doesnt know shit hello, says hit girl hello im a bullet, says red mists gun yknow as a kid i liked him but good god man you shot a child
i guess if youre a teenager learning a child is the one who killed a buncha ur family isnt odd to you and you just open fire
but god damn also rest of damico family barges in
im surprised big daddy is all like nuuuuu my girl red mist is all like pls leave kickass alone he is my one tomodachi
but the gang isnt having it
in the comic hes all like HAHA YAY FUN
he doesn care
so thats different like he straight up says im sorry to dave cos he wants a friend
hes like its not about you its just about these two cos they hurt my family and i need to get rid of them to impress my dad
in that regard the film is more engaging than the comic, where chris is just a psycho who likes hurting people and uses his dad's fortune to do whatever he wants lookatim
lil keyboard warrior
i will say in the comic their suits look a lot easier to make for random people
but im not gonna fault the film for trying to look a little different this guys like hee hee i have a bazooka now again chris is like pls i want to have a friend dad his dad's like i gotta kill him for the message son his dads like if u wanna be part of the fam shut up and watch this oh also its livecast to anyone who can get this new york channel.
so torture starts happening
i guess the channels dont cut away oh nvm they do this guys like oh man but i wanna see more everyone goes on their laptops to find out more
fwiw this was before this was a thing we saw in real life events. so. uh. yeah shes all like weh oh no :( but keeps watching
with her history of helping guys in peril im gonna assume she has a hardon for people in trouble which is why shes doing jack shit right now dave gets all smarty on us cos hes narrating and hes all u think i make it through this just cos im talking?
yes dave, at the time
but also, no dave, a few years later
when they made the monstrosity thats kickass 2.
that shows you survived. then! suddenly! everything is flashing
we hear gunshots and see darkness
someone has entered the premises doesnt that make u wanna play an fps?
it kinda makes me wanna play cyberpunk. so. uh. yeah for me i suppose damons all like switch to kryptonite which is a strobe light on hit girls gun
so this is kinda hard to watch but its also really cool and sad cos hes tellin her what to do but also hes dying and shes trying to neutralise the area all of their tactics are comicbook references its a slo mo scene where she left the strobe light in a stationary spot
and gets rid of the closest goons to her dad i feel like there coulda been more cg fire on nic cage but its 2010 so i'll let it go puts the fire on her dad out :( shoots camera :(( happy surrogate dad he's badly badly burnt but the first thing he asks is if shes okay
the way he raised her robbed her of a childhood but he loves her, he didnt mean to do any harm
he just. did. :( rip she also knows how to drive cos why not kickass fights red mist, they knock each other out, hit girl fights frank, she nearly loses but kick ass saves her, they jetpack it outta there
also frank damico dead now kinda doubt shes gonna say who she is oh nvm. marcus is now taking care of mindy the film also ends on this line. but this is not the outfit red mist wears in the sequel.
but we dont talk about the sequel.
because the sequel is gross and vile and bad and wrong and also i dont want to.
kickass is fine. 6/10
no wait..
fuck i gave deathgasm a 5 but kickass is def not better than that... hm
i'll think about it
[conclusion several months later: kickass also ranks a 5 outta 10. Part of it is aging poorly so it feels a lil unfair but eh. As I said I liked Deathgasm as much if not more tbh]