also was gonna be at a halloween party but im stayin comfy at home cos ive got what the victorians used to call the morbs
which we should bring back thats a good word
ok found it lets hope it doesnt lag like crazy
its goin through a lil recap of the previous movies (cos this was supposed to be the last one. spoiler there's like five or six more) and lol alice's face right before child!jason grabs her
and by that we mean we killed her off for some reason i mean i guess if they hadn't killed alice we never woulda had tommy n i do like tommy in 6, so
at least its a little different from a final girl that all the other franchises have
well chucky has andy kinda so. idk maybe not
theres like a full minute and a half of just names on a black screen i feel like if u did that today the cinema would clear out
youd lose half ur audience
..were pamela and jason created by like four different people orrr what do u mean characters
super bright light immediately after. rude mean
inconsiderate
im sorry a what
oh an ambulance ok
oh my god, its, jasomb i forgot how 3 ended ngl
i mean im sure he died he always does
rip iirc 3 is the one where he first gets the mask
and the mc slutshames her friends
thats about all i remember lol
again, im sorry, what
sounds like the ambulance personell is havin a blast cleaning up this massacre
they hand jasons corpse off to doctor spoony over here does anyone remember that. channel awesome
i know im one of the oldest people here but. but still. maybe someone remembers
he puts the sammy he's grossly eating on top of jason cos hes a professional
this guy woulda loved cute dead girls or whatever that website was actually i think it was cute dead guys
dont pull strangers into ur fetish dude ew
oh his name is axel. fuck that im gonna keep calling him doctor spoony
oooooh burn i think
had to think a sec for that one
yeh thats not the best line to use on a doctor
he spooks her in the morgue (the cold room? i figure its the morgue cos its got dead bodies in it) and she says the most diablo cody ass line about 23 years before diablo cody wrote the script for juno
anyways they start going at it in 1. the morgue 2. after listening to a news report about a massacre 3. right in front of jasons corpse
then he pisses her off and she runs off with another amazing line super bowl of self-abuse is still number 1 so far though
oh nooo jason is alive somehow how is this posibbleeeeeeee rip nurse juno and doctor spoony
omg 15 minutes in and its our actual mc. and also someone else i forgot oh yeh her mom
guess which one is the mom and which one the daughter cos i definitely only know cos ive seen this movie before lol
sometimes i think about old videogames and i kinda get why people didnt want to play them back then why stare at 5+ pixels on a screen when u can go outside and break ur leg in the forest
or go to the mall. or whatever 80s kids did
anyways this is tommy and yes this is what he looks like the whole movie. plottwist jason's adversary for three movies is an alien
surprise its actually cory feldman. and everybody cheered or screamed. or cringed. there was definitely a reaction
he looks like baby chris chan here god damn
love how u can see the powder under the mums eyes its also super obvious on the daughter
introducing the cannon fodder
its guy! and another guy! and girl! and virgin girl! and guy! and mystery person blocked by girl!
surprise again! its crispin glover also dont hate me i think he's rly cute in this movie bye
theres a movie where he controls rats or something that I wanna see but i forgot what it's called and its long after he became super angular in the face
i think he kinda only plays villains nowadays? i think he was in american gods? idk
I also know he made a movie that u can only watch when he's there, showing it to you. like not just you but a showing he's doing yknow
i guess hes very weird and he was already a problem when they made this film lol this movie had a lot of frustrated people on the crew
nyways his name is jimmy in this and this is his best friend teddy who calls jimmy a dead fuck which is not a term i have ever heard before or since and it has mystified me for the better part of a decade now
oh i guess i somehow missed him explaining what 'dead fuck' means the last times i watched it ..gonna chalk that up to another wonderful magical phrase this film conjured up outta nowhere
oh also crispin glover plays george mcfly in back to the future literally a year after this movie came out n hes somehow not cute in that despite, yknow, generally looking the same
also his middle name is hellion
his parents sound terrifying
also teddy does this thing where he pretends to write something into a computer to get an answer idfk why
wow they buried her next to the road. harsh
hi i am here to die
maybe if i make it to canada fast enough i will live
girl you are going to new jersey and ur like 5 minutes from your destination where the fuck will you drop her
yeah!
hahahah thats a great sign
let me eat cos im overweight and this is a movie anyways then jason kills her and she squishes the banana to a pulp which is frankly grosser than the whole murder thing
god i envy this lodge house thing they've got. it looks so nice and warm
look theyre a loving family! awww.
dog! yay
theyre staying in the house next door
thats a standard issue golden retriever what do u mean mutt
staring ominously through window! havent had that in a while also she does look old enough to be tommy and trish' mom i suppose
hi im the virgin and im the slut guess what groundbreaking narratives we have
shes actually not slutty but people lie about her and she's pretty chill but the virgin girl is fucking annoying and rude, i just remembered
shes got a room with a dude she has a crush on so shes all kyaaaa doug-kun!!
wonder how long it takes to do ur hair like this every morning also ive been noticing everyone seems to have crocheted blankets in these older movies
did everyone just crochet when they got bored or what is up with that
its night and tommy spies on the neighbours all weirdly and freak like
next morning ted's tryna vibe but jimmy's like i wanna go call my ex so she can tell u im not a quote un-quote dead fuck
aw maaan thats exactly what i was trying to avoid
everyone else is like stop trying to make dead fuck happen its not gonna happen
hi we're new!
oh my god its cute identical twins now what. theyre lucky they ran into the cannon fodder group cos if they were in a scene alone theyd be dead already
the virgin girl meanwhile is like i hope they leave soon they exude slut energy
lol she straight up leaves the moment the twins say they're going to crystal lake too
doug-kun is like i'll go with you but sara says no doug i'll go alone ur a danger to my hymen
dont be gross teddy cmon
jimmy no also dougkuns shorts god damn
when are those coming back into style
i recently saw a guy with ripped jeans and he was wearing fucking longjohns or some shit underneath to cover up his knees
probably cos having naked knees will make the bros think ur gay or some other ridiculous bro shit
what is this timeline i swear to god
sara and her powdered undereyes meanwhile make the trek back to the car alone (shes fine)
meanwhile the group goes swimming n theres a buncha nudity cos its a slasher flick from the 80s.
including ted's ass so yay for that. i guess.
no u cant ur like eight. (the jarvises just happened to show up btw theyre not part of the group. thatd be a lil messed up to do that in front of tommy on purpose)
gordon also doesnt get to skinny dip
hehehehe patootsies i love this script
the jarvises car breaks down and rob dyer noclips outta the forest to help them out this guys acting is somethin else
trish was like im not gonna go for a swim cos im overdressed but like. is she just wearing a shirt what theh ell i coulda sworn she was wearing jeans earlier
rob just magicked them off or something
also tommy has car know how. i dont remember if this comes up later or if little boys just knew how to fix cars in 1984
rob fixes their car with a knife he has in a boot cos that is a Hot and Attractive thing to do
hi i am instantly smitten with u
tommy what the hell
look at this wood ass house give it me now u can keep the lamps and shit though those are not my style
tommy shows rob all the creepy masks hes mad and for some reason rob thinks a :U face is what suits the occassion best
theyre setting him up as a foil for jason for some reason even tho we know jason is alive and shit its kind of a weird choice
meanwhile at the other house one of the twins is wearing a very cute pastel outfit.
meanwhile jimmy puts on the most undanceable music in the world
the other twin is still like yeh ok i'll dance 
jimmy then proceeds to do this. the actual song that played during this scene was changed for copyright reasons, but someone put the original song back under it and crispins moves dont make any more sense with the right music than they do with the replacement track
so.
theres that
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shes into it tho so good job i guess
wow rude they were vibing so hard even if the vibes were scary and off putting
meanwhile the other twin gets away from being accosted by teddy
..to go and hit on paul who is sam (yknow. the not!virgin girl)s boyfriend cos horror movies need relationship drama
jimmy meanwhile somehow managed to sit back down after the music was changed to something thats easier to dance to
..starts doing actual ballroom moves idk what i expected
its not raining. did they not have the budget to put a guy on a ladder to pour a watering can down on the camera
idk what happened but jimmy is sulking in the kitchen now. it looked like things were going well nani
..accost her? there really is no other way to describe what u did
have this with zero context. nyways jimmy just said teddy "got the hot one of the two" so they both suck. rip
then the twins ruin their cute outfits with shotgun beers rip
oh yeah and they are here too.
and also teddy.
hey paul i think u n me should go out to go die soon so get away from twin 1 will u i think her name is tina and the other one is terry aaa i'll try to say it right now
the twins i mean
only sluts and whores dance doug-kun whats wrong with you
tinas dancing w/ paul while aggressively making eyecontact with teddy ahead of its time this movie
hes so upset. look at the scorn sittin on his cuck stairs
ooh here comes the burn
oh.
what u wanna go look for a payphone to call ur ex
how does jimmy look more upset than teddy
teddy just bithces about paul and jimmy finally hits him with a comeback good god
sam goes for a midnight swim oh noooo
wow this sure looks cosy and like a fun thing to do in the middle of the night.
fuckin finally jesus christ
also jean shorts hee heemeanwhile tina dances with jimmy now cos i guess cucking teddy is what gets her off and jimmy says this when she says she wants to be with him instead of ted:
omg foreshadowing! for, a movie thats like!!!! idk ten years in the future or something!!!!! (idk when the crispin glover controls rats movie came out sry)
terry meanwhile is like i need to go home this gaudy interior is giving me a migraine and also teddy is here
paul meanwhile still somehow alive
this guy hears paul get harpooned in the dick by jason and :U faces his way slowly to the lake with ✨ the machete ✨
terry leaves cos the house is lame now and also its raining. like i thin they maybe actually are doing rain now tho im still not seeing it but they did have lightning so theres that
yeah a lil bit, i think thats fair
NO SLUTSHAMING NEAR THE LAKE rip terry
and also sam and paul like, five minutes ago
ooh more crocheted blankets. dont like the colours on it tho
meanwhile mother jarvis has lost her daughter
oh theyre both out coulda at least left a note damn
meanwhile saras decided shes gonna lose her virginity tonight and shes being all weird about it
oh theyre back. i.. kinda already forgot where they went
they cant find her cos she was attacked by jason earlier (presumably) and this is never resolved because this frame is the last time we ever see mother jarvis. idk why they did it like that but yeah its left unclear
also gee tommy how come your mom lets you have two lollipops
trish finds burke (or whatever his name is) tent and decides to go and sit in it ..presumably to tell him her mom is missing? idk
i mean how would u react if someone asked you that when ur in bed with them.
indeed
she says no without knowing what it means so thats either nice or rly vapid who knows
i guess theres worse ways to feel two seconds before death
he cant find the corkscrew for the wine bottle he wanted to open and jason kindly stabs him in the back with it.
oh no the hand sorry he doesnt yell btw hes just kinda like wtf my hand is stuck
then he's hit in the face with a cleaver so rip jimmy u were cute but also pretty rude and weird at dancing
also didnt scream when he got a knife to the face. maybe he refused to scream and the director just accepted it idk
might be more realistic, who knows
were in the homestretch now so the rest of the house literally dies within the next five minutes
tina's defenestrated and lands on a car which looks like she might survive it actually.. but she doesnt
look she lands on her feet n everything!
burke tells trish about why he's at crystal lake: jason killed his sister and he wants to kill him in return sandra was a character in a previous movie but ngl i dont remember who she was
oh its rob not burke oops
rob somehow knows this hes prototype adult!tommy really
but adult tommy is cute and doesnt go :U in every scene hee hee
(this is the best kicking feet gif i can find somehow sorry)
teddy is watching an old film and jason stabs him through the screen. computer says rip in peace i guess
i kinda wish theyd switched doug and rob's actors cos doug's actor is pretty good and i feel like he fits the role better as well also cos dougs role is literally just be sara's boyfriend and die
feels a bit of a waste
rip sara if only you'd slutshamed less maybe u woulda lived. doug dies in the shower btw so at least he'll be very clean
oh look its the actual main characters and rob is there too.
tommy reads up on some jason lore they live right near the lake and u love monsters how did u miss this
jason kills rob. rip he also yells some really funny lines while this is happening
apparently the actor thought this was gonna be edited differently but it just came out rly goofy hes killing me! and then hes going to kill you! oh my gooooooood
trish is running through the other house mostly just so she can stumble on all the dead kids including jimmy who has been jesus'ed onto the kitchen door cos jason took the time to do that for some reason
they try to nail their own door shut n im just gonna assume they already called the cops
so much space! and in the woods. god that must be peaceful
jason! rude oh its robs body
that was pretty extra
he grabs tommy and trish hits him with a tiny hammer which fucking hell this is too comedic
they knock jason out with some electricity and trish is.. somehow gonna drag him outside? i think?
you could just take the car and book it, but.. sure
oh no he got up how can this be.
man that powder is powdering god damn
tommy has a plan while trish is having a chase w/ jason a chase with jace. haha im not funny
love how he put the jason picture up to make sure he gets it right
trish gets back to the house and is very upset when it turns out throwing herself out of a window was for nothing cos tommy is still home
jason tries to sneak up on her but she literally instantly catches on and grabs a weapon u go trish four for you
tommy calls jason who actually stops fighting trish for a moment to look at the shouty child and
omg is that me? as a child? pointing out the confusing timeline of the previous movies?
i am so confused. thjis isnt right
trish knocks off his mask and oh my god hes!!! deformed. wow!!!
oh no i didnt know he was deformed! gasp
tommy deals the killing blow and we get a slightly sadder version of the jarvis sandwich
but omg jason twitches and tommy just wails on him implying tommy has lost his mind and is just as bad as jason oh noooo
look at that face have u ever seen anything more evil?
you should see him in 40 years
sorry thats mean cory feldman has been through a lot of shit but he's done some questionable things
we cut to trish in the hospital on the mend asking to see tommy mums still mia
im gonna assume they cut that scene or something cos its weird theyre not asking about her
tommy's tory powerstancing in the corner of trish's hospital room
then he tells her to support opensubtitles.org
just kidding they hug
then he blankly stares at the camera and we cut to credits woo i like this movie its so campy but i do like it a little less than i did before :( oh well
the script is still really fun but rob feels like such a pointlessly tacked on character
and the way they did the twins felt a little weird too. like why couldnt terry be the one with jimmy while tina just goes home. why does tina have to fuck over her sister thats just kinda gross
priestess putting too much thought into the dumb 80s slasher movie ik ik
Majo: (priestess I'm too drunk to read this Rinnow but I want you to know I went to my first haunted house today! n they showed a bunch of horror movie clips highlighting different killers and it made me think of you bestie) Majo: (they showed the clips in the line/quueue whatever)
Majo: I DID read this anyway and it was fun. I love a priestess liveblog
Mono: hell yeah friday the 13th
