ugh, fuck it
im depressed and bored lets go on the hunt for the day of the beast
Lou: scarlet movie time 👀 ???
scarlet movie time.
Lou: i love scarlet movie time
makes me very happy to hear that just want u to know
damn this is quite the poster
Lou: This is gonna be great
jesus what kinda structure is this. why does it look so hostile
so this dude (the guy whos face we can see) just confessed to his padre that hes gonna commit all the evil he can
cos he deciphered the code
and his padre is like dude what the fuck
then he whispers something to him that justifies it i assume or. something
hes like padre will u help me and padre is like yes and then oop the protag drops his papers cos hes just so clumsy!!! and also the giant cross in the church decides its been ignoring gravity for too long
i guess satan decided we're not havin any of this
omg a goat. satan???
the young (? idk man like in his fourties) priest is out in the town now
he steals money from a homeless guy cos hes gotta do the most SIIIIIINS ever to stop the antichrist from bein born
i assume he whispered the context of that to his padre cos honestly i couldnt tell u
we see him do some more dastardly stuff
shes not. i dont think shes satan...?
ye this is baphomet slander
our priest continues his dastardly deeds by loudly listening to his cassette tapes
or . something
noooo dont rob the living statue ive seen how aggressive those get when u wrong them
oh. he just pushed him
this shop is all guns and pop culture paraphernalia
is. is that a spain thing
ah so it is madrid. and theyre having an issue with people being violent with anything/anyone that they think makes the city look bad (eg. homeless people)
so i suppose that'll prolly come up later
while our priest just pickpockets people
he walks into a shop with this front cos of the weird babydoll which. ok. dunno why that inspired you to go in but sure
so we meet the shopkeeper smashing a kids head on the counter cos he tried to steal from him, but when the priest comes in he just calmly goes oh hey good evening
manners above all
this is what hes looking for
omg eddie satanist confirmed
rocks out to bgm while priest keeps going through more and more demonic lookin lps
ah but of course
i feel like a big ring like that in ur eyebrow would just get stuck in ur hair all the time. as it is doing to this guy
>puts on a new band on a tape
>immediately starts mimicing the music. again
i like this guy
hell yeah it is dont u see me mimicing these DRUMS
the bands name is satanica cos i guess they decided being subtle was for chumps
also waitin for this movie to reference the exorcists' most famous shot with its mc
? this is apparently that metalheads mom?? she looks the same age lol
oh theyre discussing rooms btw
Lou: I like that they gave the most stereotypical looking metalhead dude working at the music store
yeah i like him i hope he comes back lol
also they keep showing this tv psychic so im interested to see how he ties into everything
hi its me im also plot relevant but also weird and possibly dangerous as indicated by the fact that i am hiding behind this door and theres ominous music playing
smokes even tho he doesnt smoke cos its a sinful thing to do!!!!
according to this movie
i mean its bad for u but. idk man the bible doenst mention smoking or drinking or whatever right we just kinda tacked that on
hell jesus turned his blood into wine
...ok before i get too into semantics lets continue
ohhh this is the metalheads mum
shes aggressive and also said some pretty nasty things rip
the priest finds a book sold by the psychic in a shop which he obviously immediately steals cos SIIIIIIIN
oh shit the priests name is angel. i didnt screenshot that sorry
but uh yeah hes all like i cant buy it and the cop is like BUT WHY THOUGH
Lou: of course it is
i have an iron on my desk and u bet ur priestly butt that i paid every single peseta for that!
it is pronounced the spanish way. so anGHel. not eeinjell
- linguistics with priestess 101
angel tryna explain why hes doing what he does (he studied revelations and came to the conclusion its a cryptogram telling him to do as much evil as possible to avoid the birth of the antichrist) but im sorry Im too distracted by the fuckin clothing iron.
why does the head of police or whatever have a clothing iron on his desk.
oooooh so thats why the iron was there!
gently put it back in place not very sinful of u angel
then again he decked someone with it so thats probably enough negative karma for a few days
aaaaay its our boy!
hi let me be the overbearing mum im destined to be for a moment
also the metalheads name is jose maria
ahh so jose does art
i want u to know that that flannel is all grandda is wearing.
i. where is this film going.
..he gives his pappy acid to keep him going
angel is like hey jose this situation is bonkers enough that i want to take u on a mission to stop the antichrist what do u say
idk how they ended up in this place but theyre watching that psychic on the tv in here
he has a boy on he claims is satan??? idk
fuckin baby robert jensen is all i see ngl
(ex dutch tv presenter who is now essentially tryna be dutch alex jones, fyi)
theyre going into a report from the boys home and his mum is all like THANK GOD YOUR HERE but i just love the dad holding the garlic in the back
if its satan im ready
that is the most aggressive widows peak i have ever seen
(also the window behind him says clean up madrid and the clerk is dead but god DAMN that hair)
meanwhile jose sings some jesus christ superstar for angel after learning angel never saw it
theyre stalking cava btw (cava's the psychic)
i assume this is a hotel and also wtf are those two structures in the middle
oh yes hi hello welcome to check in please ignore our giant generators right by the front door this building is from the mid 1800s they are load bearing and we cannot move them without destorying the whole building
Amy: elevators? but why the cables in the open...
u were right amy theyre elevators.
and also yes on the cables.
hello yes welcome to check in please dont mind our very outdated um i mean vintage elevators theyre very of the 1800s which is when they are from, theyre charming and no they never break but please dont touch the wires at the top, the current is low enough you'll likely live but only if someone is there to disrupt the current between your body and the cable within ten seconds and we cant guarantee that cos the pole we have behind the desk doesnt reach the ceiling and your muscles will tense up forcing you to grab the cable. But really that only happens once a day at most. ENJOY UR STAY!
he gets a call from his girl who im sure is gonna be treated with the utmost respect
thats to hit a gong with what are u gonna do with that angel
ok well i guess it worked
gives captive audience a lecture
jose is like are u almost done i dont want a ticket
thanks jose im sure this will help convince the psychic
they have a discussion while jose maria keeps raiding the house
jose askin the real questions
i mean theres three of them so ngl i also immediately thought that lol
omg baby yoda???
angel at the birth of the antichrist
ahhh angel just explained hes doing evil stuff cos he wants the devil to trust him
cava is like heres ur next quest. go get uhhh four people for the ritual, and also, the blood of a maiden. do u have that???
and angel and jose go ugh i hate fetch quests
hello! I am the maiden from whom the blood
jesus angel what is this chase
how did you fall
are u a mid 2000s female protag?
somehow caught up
to be fair to her shes wearin stilletos
im gonna fall now cos I want to be the mid 2000s female protag!
meanwhile jose got bread idk why.
but he has it.
hey man virgin means virgin to blood sacrifice. i know this cos i looked it up
shes fiiiiiine they can use her its fiiiiiiiine
how much u wanna bet this fuckers blood is gonna be good
ah no wait it said maiden. i dont think thatd be him
hi im here to be relevant again!
aggressively drugs her drink after she admits shes waiting for marriage
idk what shes referring to but wtf is that huge jar shes holding
ok well full respect that hes honest with her. i mean he drugged her so im sure hes gonna take it against her will anyway but. well. this would be decent if he hadnt DRUGGED HER
(hes asking her for her blood)
most dramatic passout ever
ye u should feel guilty angel i know ur tryna stop the devil but still
oh her! i forgot about her
i thought she was gonna be important
heres a shot related to her thats clearly meant to mean a lot but uh.
she has a gun. thats all i took from that.
i thought oh francoist spain or something but idk i cant find anything relevant
wow she just broke into the room and shot angel's ear off. shes straight to the point
...she fell down the stairs and now shes gone? idk??? but angel shotgun get!
meanwhile jose maria fuckin up cavas floor with a pentagram cos hey why not
hi dont mind me just aquired some popcorn somewhere gonna go up the thing again with the warhammer elevator
his gf woke up and hes like GET ME OUT cos she has no personality and needs to be told what to do
pretty young woman dumb. love it
>jogs around the room to get away from jose even tho shes been to this apartment before and should know how to get out
oh 1995. ive been painfully reminded that the 90s were more sexist than i remembered and this film is no different.
jesus angel u dont need to point the shotgun at her
just let her go she cant do anything for you anyway
oh look the circle is done! good job jose good job
cava is like u wanna play heavy metal music????? and jose maria corrects him
i really only do watch like. one genre of film
ok well this is harder to explain
omg black phillip?
cava kicked her out presumably to keep her save but he did it in a dickhead way and im sure this lightning bodes ill
priest and cava are scared from the knocking on the door but joses just havin the time of his life
do u think they were sponsored.
jose cant stop laughin n im worried
woo 1995 special effects!
(id be sad but hes an asshole and a charlatan and i dont care)
oh hes fine. boo
oh hes in an ambulance now. i hope that means hes outta the story
i dont like him.
ugh cavan fuck ooooooooooooff
i presume theyll address him ignoring corpses around him earlier but idk
meanwhile father angel despairing while jingle bells plays merrily in the background
still has a shotgun and hasnt been apprehended
spain what the fuck
jose fires warning shots that sound more like a cannon than a shotgun
hahah the priest went i know u know tonight is the DAY OF THE BEAST n the bouncer is like nah man today is satannica, check the schedule
uh so yeah metal concert cos a course
uh so hes calling cavan idk why but cavans number has like 6 sixes in it so im sure hes satan adjacent or whatever
oh now theyre talkin through the tv
ooh cavan being useful finally!
we got ten minutes left of the film gj u potato
we cut it cos you kept saying fuck cavan and we cant have that this is a family channel! on christmas eve!!!! with christmas lights!!!!
this guy: cavan my carreer
cavan: hm i could play death metal on air
he doesnt btw he went to a venue called infierno which is hell in spanish. this was lampshaded in the first ten minutes of the film by jose maria so fair enough
antichrist birth zone i assume
meanwhile these two are tryna break into a car nearby for some reason
get in losers were going shopping
i admit i hate cavan because psychics are charlatans and scumbags of the highest degree for lying to people about their dead loved ones
but in this film hes one of the heroes??? idk if thats a culture thing
i cant help it i still hate him
cavan giving them a lesson on crosses with some charcoal and an overpass
hes like satans temple will look like this!! (cos its based on satans sign and the church's architecture is based on the cross)
(I mean not quite but close enough I guess satans disciples didnt try particularly hard)
i mean thats just two buildings pops idk
theres two of those right behind us but i guess u know what ur doin
ok they do both arch to the middle so fair enough
a goat!! and also a cryng baby but its off screen.
we found it!!! says cavan
not so fast says whoever the fuck this is
also a dude with a gun and a chrismis hat
are they the fbi? like what
idk whats going on
oh no one of them is satan. ok
jose maria once again laughing when things are dire
rip. at least ur death was very metal (laughing at satan)
Ollie: I just realized his name is basically Spanish for Joseph Mary
omg i didnt even think of that
timeskip to now where angel and cavan are homeless together, i think, not sure
um the antichrist died btw cos the not!fbi killed him and his parents (it. it was confusing. idk who they were and why not!baphomet was there just to drop jose maria off the building or something)
oh he's critiquing the new host of his show cos they think he died.
and hes like this guy sucks
(but so do psychics in general. so.)
jolly trumpets play as the subtitler asks for feedback as the film ends
my emotion is the same as this fallen satan statue i am soooooo confused
i mean i get it, they get no glory cos they averted the end of the world so everyone just thinks theyre crazy
which is realistic <
but i still have questions
Ollie: (I thought that thing wrapped around Satan's leg was a huge peen for a moment)
ohhh i think i understand it a little better now
so madrid has an issue with hooligans hurting and killing people who they think make madrid look bad
and because satan tries to copy god in everything the antichrist was also born to people in poverty
but they got killed by said hooligans (who are also depicted as connected to satan so thats a little confusing but maybe its just heavy handed imagery)
so the priest and his friends didnt have to do anything, the evil of people took care of it for them even when they didnt know what they were doing
i might be wrong though. not sure
Lou: I fell asleep mid-Scarlet Movie Time but i had fun backreading what I missed!!!!
Rikki: i thought his thigh was an enormous schlong
Lou: same lmao
Ollie: Glad we all saw it as a weener
Lou: don't say it like that
i think its a snake
Rikki: i dont think so
Rikki: i think its a huge
Salsa: what are you all talking abou- oh yeah that looks like a dick
ok im juyst. gonna go see if i can find that statue
its a snake
Salsa: its a very well placed allegory
Rikki: if u follow satan u get a snake dick