hi im gonna watch clerks 3 now sorry no disrespectful staring at eddie just yet (I was liveblogging Stranger Things season 4 around this time)
no disrespectful staring in any way prolly cos the whole cast is a lil too old for me or not my type ngl. used to have a massive crush on jay when i was a kid tho lol
oh its lionsgate now. thats cool i guess
also shitload a companies involved in this film. woo independent film making amirite
i dont remember if dinner in america had a buncha companies..
holy shit it opens with mcrs black parade
Lou: does it open on the g note
Lou: AS IT FUCKING SHOULD
damn dante owns a biiiiig car. also i see the videostore is still owned by jay and silent bob
ngl gonna be disappointed if that means theyre not standing outside anymore.
ah. the passage of time.
holy shit i forgot even tho they said it in the review i watched, his wife died
thats so sad. i really liked her in 2.
hi i was wrong i think randall owns the place next door still? idk
ha the guy who does the ost also did powerpuff girls. thats pretty cool
jesus i need to slow down on the screenshot taking lol im only three minutes in
nope theyre still outside! yay
but.. it is theirs..? idk man in reboot theyre in there. IM CONFUSED
nobody can get in cos theyre playing hockey on the roof
they played the ENTIRETY of the black parade. thats cool
fuck i dont remember this guys name
its a biblical name
he enters the film the same way he did in two except now he has a buddy!
also yes im gonna keep talking assuming youve seen clerks one and two. i'll uh. try to elaborate where i can
Lou: call him josh
gdi its not jonah its the other dude from magnus archives.. the bad one.. fuuuuck whats his name
Lou: that's his name now
i love the story of josh in the bible
its one of my favourites
is..isaiah? no its not that either... fuuuck
JOOOSH WHATS UR NAAAME
Lou: idk im just guessing
good guess, i was also thinking it was that, but its not
hi they started a christian crypto club. i dont. even know what thats supposed to be
also these 100% are ksmith fans theres no way.
oh yeah josh's whole deal in 2 is that hes from a very religious family
Lou: are we even sure josh has a J name
and that his girlfriend wont let him have sex with her cos she made up this story about. uh. well she made up a weird story to keep him out lol i'll put it that way
yknow its probably not a j name...
Lou: ok i googled it lmao is it elias
YES ITS ELIAS
GOD DAMN IT
oh this is when he tells randall the weird story his girlfriend told him to keep him out her pants lol
i thought he was kinda cute. hes.
im so sorry i dont think he's cute anymore aaaa i feel bad.
Lou: teeth 2: the toothening
now with more trolls!
here's the clip for context.
now you'll know
Lou: oh god
surprised the film pointed it out itself (dude on the left only whispers to elias and we dont hear him) also with anymore i mean in 3 hes still cute in 2 rip
he says this about elias
thats a very old gen z kid.
like. 12 years too old to be one. or something like that
the full line is "i wish you didnt pray to all your -"
anyway i want that on a goddamn SHIRT
tho im sure elias is gonna get dunked on cos ksmith loves comics.
his hair is way darker in 2, but i cant tell what his real haircolour is
thats not nice elias.
also jesus christ, randalls shirt.
so randall just had a heart attack
>plays rock music as hes taken to the hospital
hey i know her! i like her in stuff
shes the doctor btw.
justin! its justin everybody
please dont make me look at randall's genitals movie.
Lou: hiiii justin
so theyre gonna put a camera in him and they enter it through a spot in his groin i guess? so justins like WOOO IM GONNA SHAVE YOU
he talks a lil weird. but im glad to see they managed to get him outta the walrus skinsuit. they did a marvelous job stitchin him back together
oh thank fuck they just cut to the next scene
huh it actually got a lil emotional cos dante is legit worried about him. thats sweet
... there there.
oh well there goes elias' arc for the film i guess
ah yes hes like i dont believe in jesus anymore now i believe in SATAN
theyre kinda a package deal buddy. but sure
have this without context.
randall talks about star wars to the doctor n shes just kinda like ok u keep talkin nerd
remember when i said i want to gently/lovingly punch people who quote star wars like that in the face.
i feel like maybe not at this moment cos hes actively having a heart attack and that'd be a bit unfair.
oh he said "this is the way lol" i forgot to cap that
the heart attack is over im gonna punch him now
idc this isnt a quote, u stop that right now mister
oh thats why he was talking about nonsense during the whole thing
wonder if randall's gonna be vegan cos ksmith is now.
he had his heart attack after starting his diet iirc but still
oh randall is loosely based on the writer/director of the film and his heart attack is based on a life event he went through. just some context
the doctor warned dante randall is likely gonna go through a depression cos apparently that tends to happen to people who survive a heart attack
aaaand heres the plot for 3.
randall is essentially gonna make clerks 1
thanks boys, very nice
Lou: thanks for the reassurance gentlemen
hm. idk man i think it misses a certain pezzazz
how about.. retales
its like retail and tales put together!
elias is really feelin himself in his new emo...punk??getup
hes like oh whats that mr dante. u like my. u like my hoodie.
thank you i bought it yesterday. i had to get it online though cos like, all the malls are gone now but hot topics got a pretty good web shop nowadays.
hes ready for satan
oh also elias has something about kites, idk why
his friend looks so fuckin scared the whole time lol
aw hes a babymetal fan! sweet.
this whole scene is basically them going oh we should put that scene from clerks 1 and 2 in our movie teehee no ones ever done that!!
hi these two somehow dont know the videostore is the place theyre running their lil thc joint out of.
also damn new teeth can really change your face
then they go doiiiii
also i want to 1. see what those pins are on jay's hat more closely and 2. have them
theyre like... lil dudes? what are theyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
ugh i hope its not a weed thing or im gonna get annoyed
everyone assumes randal is making a porn
cos hey guys remember zak n miri is a movie!
theres a song playing thats just about nachos from 7 eleven
this is a riot grrrl band i know im right ima look it up
a wait i forgot i said that genres kinda gone didnt i.
they look cool
oops i got sidetracked
jay just yelled at dante for shouting at night
which. fair. but i love how intense he looks here lol
Lou: they do look really cool and i like that they're named froggy
actually its not fair, theres NOTHING around their stores lol
yeah its a cute name
made them a lil hard to google though heh
jesus elias, go back go back go back
omg the friends name is block chain...
everything is a star wars reference woooooo
and theyre like. who am i in the script??? and randall is like fuck you i am both luke AND han
so now dante is upset
oh elias is chewie btw.
randall also claimed lando for himself.
um oh like the star wars thing is a comparison to the types of roles theyre playing in randall film btw, hes not literally making a star wars spin off
randall's like ur dak. daks a minor character who dies in the first film and hes not very important. but i remember jack really likes him lol
idk where he got the glasses suddenly. but this rocky horror cure vampire look is startin to grow on me. also he's describing jesus.
i forgot theater kid. please add theater kid to that amalgamation of words.
one thing im a lil confused on, dante should have a child. his wife was pregnant in the second film
but they dont mention a kid anywhere. idk if she died in childbirth? oh yeah lookin at it she died the same year as II came out
pff the next scene hes literally at her grave, i scrolled up to double check when i coulda just waited
hello rosario dawson u are so pretty omg.
also hes dreaming
he's like im so alone and he starts crying and shes like you are so lucky because youre alive and you can start a new chapter in life anytime you want to
and i think thats a sweet message.
also its confirmed the baby died with her. her name was grace but shes not mentioned on the stone so idk maybe not viable yet?
hi the bar is over it so you cant see it very well but rebecca is buried right next to someone who apparently lived to be 157.
what is this, a graveyard for vampires
becky's lil dream speech made dante get on board with randalls idea to make a movie
so he made a lil audition poster
woo time for some famous people cameos
hey its this guy!
i know him. i saw him in some tumblr gifsets.
lads its danny trejo! danny trejo lads
hey, its! um. its.
who is this
oh elias is emo now. called that a little too early i guess.
no painted nails however. step up ur game elias, god damn.
hey everybody, its the movieses ben affleck!
and hes doing a gag from jay and silent bob strikes back. remember that kids? 2001? good times. maybe idk. maybe not. that movie had a real orangutan in it. it was. something.
look man im just seeing vinny vinesauce.
im sure hes someone. and i feel bad. but in the words of keke palmer
look its sarah michelle geller!
that is her, right..?
here have this without context
i dont remember who says this line in the original but my money is its probably jay.
so yeah it was jay.
ITS KEVIN SMITHS MOM EVERYBODY
and she said holy shit cos its funny.
she actually is in the first movie so this is sorta a justified callback i guess lol? shes like taking all the milk outta the cold section
to get to the best expiry date
then this happens.
hey these things are in alice in wonderland arent they
... thats elias and i dont blame randall for not recognising him until block chain popped out at his side cos how hte hell does he look so different in profile
randalls like i will play myself
and hes making dante play himself too
foregone conclusion lol but thanks for the giant cameo show
this guy isnt the best actor but fuck it man elias is hilarious i love his bodylanguage
how. where. where did jay get a shirt that has his own face on it
bit meta lads
randall got the woman from 1 to play herself and shes upset cos shes depicted in a mean way
she changed her mind i guess.
oh randall you clever rogue.
for some reason this is a line jay has about bob
i dont remember that being a thing
elias is allergic to cats so thats what the line is about but also he brought a black cat for a scene theyre shooting! cos hes goff! look at it aww what a lil cutie
awww lil babyyyyy
ELIAS PUT UR HAND UNDER HIM PROPERLY LOOK AT THE DANGLING LEGGIE HES GONNA FALL
bob is the director of photography now which if i recall correctly is pretty much as influential and important as the director
which. i guess randall being based on him wasnt enough lol gotta get some kinda directing gig in the film
ay its the part of the movie where silent bob speaks.
and its cos hes like yo this shop is ugly as fuck lets make everything black and white
hey everyone, its kevin smiths wife!
kevins smiths wife everybody!!!
im gonna run out of applause gifs at this point.
she looks a lot nicer in this one than in 2 in my opinion
omg its like im back in.
ha this was actually true! smith had to get everyone off the set to get jason to act cos he was too embarrassed.
i know too much about these movies...
i dont remember bob also dancing in the og movie but hey go and have urself a good time
oh he does actually say this!
also hi if ur not familiar with these characters jay's a chaotic bisexual.
man elias sure invested in a new wardrobe
lookin like a goth verka serduchka
when u got a filming gig at 4 but u gotta be a back up dancer for emilie autumn at five
hey he spoke twice!
thats not how we do things. kevin what the fuck
elias go help him.
THIS IS NOT HELPING
u can help pull up the thing AND look like theatre christine weston chandler at the same time cmon
he did it. gj block chain. i appreciate u
ok so a lot of this is straight up taken from the actual making of clerks
i think a thing i like about these films as well is you learn quite a lot about indie film making because kevin smith looooooves to talk and write and talk some more
i was today years old when i actively realised lucille ball and judy garland are not the same person.
but they are both dead.
im. not sure who this woman is
seriously how much of the budget went to all of elias' fits.
as someone who likes to pay attention to clothes in films i gotta pause the movie every three seconds at this point
i mean the rest also changes clothes except for bob so maybe its just that its so noticeable
then again randall's entire wardrobe is moobys merch and his work shirt
dantes like where are we gonna shoot this one scene from 2 and randalls like at the actual place and dantes like how what did u rent out the plce huh?? and randall goes ive got to set department working on it
this is the set department.
cos a course it is.
also i swear thats jays coat from dogma, hang on
it is! nice.
obligatory stoner scene. i guess.
oh mooby's is a burger joint. sorry i forgot to say that
it was the main place the second film took place in
its also where dante met becky, she was the manager and he worked there. so obv this is hard for him
he has a bit of a panic attack and runs
guess who got drunk to cope.
i wonder if the original scene had the fake cheerios.
im gonna check
oh yeah this thing.
oh. um.i cant really make it out
is. is this a real brand?
whats interesting here is randall's rant at dante squandering his life in his twenties is still as true in his fourties
dante told him to shut up
well, he didnt squander his life, he just feels that way. dantes whole thing in 1 and i guess 3 as well is that he feels he hasnt achieved anything. randall has virtually the same life in 1 but hes dealing with it a lot better and he doesnt mind as much, whereas dante complains a lot (thus the i wasnt even supposed to be here line he says multiple times is kind of his catch phrase)
in 3 theyre very different. randall has done very little in life which he realises after his heart attack, thus inspiring his desire to make a movie. dante meanwhile has actually been through a lot, achieved a lot (they both own the store they work in now i think of it, so its not like randall hasnt done anything, he just hasnt got many close relationships) got in one meaningful relationship he unfortunately squandered, broke off an engagement to get with the woman he truly loved and then lost her and their daughter at the same time. so yeah. lotta stuff.
they get into the fight. they did in the original as well but that was a physical fight. here dante is slinging some really harsh words at randall who kinda bounces em back but he doesnt really attack him back
dantes like u think ur life deserves a movie? all you did was watch and mock
which i think reflects on that entire essay i wrote up there. sorry for all the readin work lads
so dante's like i had a life. i almost had a happy ever after and he follows it up with this line:
the film doesnt mention what happened until an hour and fifteen minutes in
also god damn i havent seen brian o halloran in anything but view askew movies but holy fuckin shit he is really good in this
he nails the emotional scenes
ok so its clear dante went through a lot of emotional pain and feels unsupported by randall
and the making of the movie hurts him a lot cos hes reliving all his pain
he passed out.
the last thing he said basically was that his and randalls lives are the same, and while randall thinks its worth making a movie about to dante its all pain and failure he doesnt wanna go through again
damn elias u coulda at least taken off the corpse paint
i guess him not wearing his hat is respectful at least
DUDE UR BEST FRIEND IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK
he does explain that he thinks staying in the hospital isnt gonna help dante so that sympathises his way of thinking a little
but obv he should stay
daaaaaamn elias go ooooooff
oh also the film says at the start the type a heart attack randall had is usually fatal as it kills 80% of people who have it
we dont know yet if its the same type for dante but its not lookin good :c but.. they cant, right? i hope they dont
runs from his feelings
damn that state is very unpopular isnt it.
its the only state that was almost owned in full by the netherlands at one point. until england got it at some point and named it after a tiny ass island thats closer to france than england.
anyway bit a trivia for u i find interesting. lets keep watching
ive heard of the turnpike!
mainly that it smells bad.
hi this is stupid and doesnt fit with the sad!randall!montage but im just gonna take this as a fuck you for machine gun kelly making the worst stoner comedy ever cos i know his film has a scene like this
even if it doesnt seem like something ksmith would do. im just. gonna take it that way
it made them forget dantes name is not sergio.
also lol hater totz what is that shiiiiiirt
dante lives but hes in a bad way
randall took the time to edit the movie together which i guess made him reflect on their time together
hes getting emotional aw
dante doesnt wanna see it cos he understandably thinks its gonna make him relive his life in a way he doesnt want to
ooh more mcr!
i forgot mcr is from jersey, this makes a lot of sense now
only non punchable star wars reference i ever did see
ugh end me not clerks gettin me emotional :c
oh yeah so! the images we see on the screen are actually the original clerks. so dante is indeed the main character
hes watching it in the cinema (i assume in his mind as hes watching it in the hospital) aw :c
rosario dawson is so pretty ugh i cant
this is here in 2 by the way
shit no he just told becky lets go n shes like dont u wanna see the end and he says i trust the director. he was my best friend
NOOO CMON MOVIE DONT DO THIS
you stop this right now
No. fuck jesus are you for real this is such a painful reference
hi hello elias has been quoting this bible passage like, four times in this movie
i guess hes besties with jesus again now
through tears, trying not to sob h-hey everybody
its. its harley quinn smith!!!
;_; harley quinn smith everybody
shes uh. shes there cos shes jay's daughter. her name is millie.
which would be cute if it wasnt for the fact her full name is millenium falcon.
oh hes still on that. good for stickin to ur guns elias i appreciate it
ok well maybe nows not the time to talk about how u like to try to fuck satan but go off
i kinda hope dante is gonna pull a dante but i think its a bit late for that
i just noticed block chain is holding an umbrella even though its not raining.
no millie. u stop that. no makin eyes at block chain even tho ur not the canadian girl from yoga hosers i still kinda hate you because a her anyway
randall is like 'i should quote star wars here' which he better follow up with 'i wont' cos i swear if i were dante and someone puts a fuckin movie quote in their eulogy at my funeral i will rise from the dead to fuckin choke them out
well uh. i guess, they can joke about it, at least.
hey look everybody it is kevin smiths wife again.
oh yeah elias is here for the whole scene and he looks like this.
there was a cute moment where randall was like ur my best friend now remember i said that in clerks 2? cos thats still true
so uh. aw. u go u lil satanist make ur middle aged man friend
ayy blockchain got a line in. about kites flying
channelin dali today i see.
i. kinda want his sweater ngl.
ok calm down.oh yeah so uh they have a million bucks now cos the kites were crypto money or something.
nice hair but calm down.
anyway elias just bought half of the quick stop (dante's half) cos dante's fiance came in to brag about how she owns half of it
jfc this has poison ivy goin CURSES!!! in joel schumachers batman energy
pins. now. please.
we know, kevin. we know.
aw randalls doin the daydreams
OK FINE millie doing this is cute cos as i said earlier in the original clerks it was smiths mother rummaging through the milk aisle so having her grand daughter do the same thing at the end of the film is very sweet.
That was good. i liked that movie a lot
im glad all three clerks films are good imo. i would probably rank 3 higher than 2 even and i like 2 a lot