huh. popular horror name i guess tho the firstg looks like a disney movie so idk
oh its big budget alrighty
BALLET
getting pearl vibes if pearl was like 12 and also named abigail
hi im the actual main character u can tell cos ive got frizzy hair and am approximately 25 years old
..is that a male casting director thats. different
what in the fuckin heist movie so lollipop up there (she ate a lollipop earlier idk i didnt get a screenshot) has a gun and now a box with syringes and two dudes also dressed in black
where the fuck are we going
also lol someone named cullen on a vampire movie
hahahahaha hacker
shes a girl! another win for feminism.
still dancin oh yeh tyler gillett. i always get him mixed up with ti west
but iirc..
yeah ok fuck
he did the recent scream movies
which are really lame
ti west did pearl
its like im setting myself up to be disappointed
ti west also looks fun
ok that pic is kinda unfair he was very young there. he looks like seth rogens slightly less younger brother nowadays.
>theyre the same age
OK WHATEVER
she finished doing swan lake all alone in an empty theatre i thought oh shes rich shes at home
but nah she did all that, alone, in some strange place
ok then
i mean she clearly is rich so idk why it wasnt like. a home theatre or something
wow great codename lads
go die goon number 2 i trhought she was gonna be like IM GAY but instead she just doesnt answer
goon 1, 3 and lollipop are on the scene
i see someone shops at mysticum luna.
THEY SAID THE LINE BOYS HACKERS BE LIKE IM IN
well it was goon 1 but not the hacker but who cares
im a good guy im upset at our criminal activities now cos a child is involved!!
ugh me and my beautiful eyes are in so much moral turmoil right now >gets home
>immediately goes to bed
are u a sim
so the guy on the left got stabbed with a pencil which wouldnt. the pencil just break
dont hit the child thats mean!!! let her scream and ruin our whole operation cos im a GOOD GUY and i have MORALS!!
someone came home and theyre surprised like they didnt expect a child to have fucking parents
love the power walk out the gate on the path like no ones gonna see em
oh no we were seen!!
they show goon 1 (whos subtitled leader so i guess ill go with that)s pensil stab wound again so i guess its relevant. hes also like hey lollipop im gonna punch you. im bad! and mean! and like hitting children! most of the tumblr gifsets i saw of this film were thirst posts on this guy. so. idk what to think of that
yay woo we abducted a child time for horrenous trap music
ouch my morals
fog machine working overtime
hey its that guy whos evil in literally everything! now with hair.
ok i know this is the main set cos everything is fucking yellow and all the gifsets were yellow too
ok so this is lambert i guess and uhh all the other characters have names based on the role they played in the kidnapping so. i guess i'll start calling them that if they dont get names
so goon 2 is driver. hacker is still hacker lol. goon 1 is leader. goon 3 is muscle and lollipop idfk no ones addressed her yet.
Tyler Gillet's type lets just say that
fuckin guy only casts olive skinned dark eyed dark haired mid twenties girls for his movies judging from this and the scream films he did
shes gonna be in a tank top sooner or later you'll see
this room looks so much like her own room abigail might not even realise shes been kidnapped. except theres like. different wallpaper i guess
and more yellow
lol wanna bet the next shot is of the driver
gdi i was wrong. heres muscle for no reason. i mean he giggled at grab-ass i guess
oh theres also a sniper. i think i didnt screenshot him yet so uh yeh thats everyone
hold on lemme make sure shes comfy cos im nice and good and a friendly kidnapper who means very well and goes to church every sunday
lollipop is like who are her parents and leader says this and hes fucking right why do you care just do your job
why do u do this job if you get soft the moment a child is involved
(cos shes nice)
(and pretty)
(and a girl)
(and goes to church every sunday)
but yeah its just a normal random kidnapping. tryna get money from her parents yadda yadda
im a hacker but im also stupid enough to carry around a live phone in a kidnapping location :)
im nice cos i have a baby brother! I love kids!! WEH! dark out there for 10 am
or is she too stupid for military time
..or is that just common in the US in which case i didnt say a thing
ok fuck well lambert just gave them nicknames but fuck that im sticking to their job names
driver immediately gets high cos his role is horny high guy
hacker dresses cute for a heist job cos we gotta have something to look at. im both annoyed cos its impractical for their job and happy cos its a cute outfit
so. im conflicted i guess
anyway my fave so far is muscle. he is very sweet also the only one who asked if the girl is okay after lollipop checked on her
oop look theres a peek of the tanktop.
weeee its everyone except lolly gee i wonder who will live. i. also dont know where driver got the tricicle. he. he just has one now
to be fair hes also dressed kinda weird post heist job. looks like knock-off teddy fresh but more 90s hes also got a bigass scar on his head but i imagine thats somethign the actor actually has. i wonder what happened
oh yeh i forgot to say but they have to babysit the girl until her family pays up
or. until lambert returns, im not sure.
fucking hell im blind i guess lolly is literally the same actress as Sam (the mc) from Scream.
Im not changing my mind on tyler gillett tho hes got a type and i irrationally hate him
she shows off how super smart she is by correctly guessing leader used to be a cop shes so smart yall! cool smart girl who is cool and who loves you!
what is this fucking 2001
am i watching resident evil
or ghost ship
or any of those other garbage film with poorly written cool girl MCs
i stg i went into this movie thinking i would like it now i cant stop hating on it OTL were not even 20 minutes in ;_;
i just hate this bitch and the director (the character not the actress idc about idfk her name)
she guesses some shit about everyone to give us more backstory on them but also so you have more time to finish jacking off while watching her be so smart and sexy and cool and righteous
hes like do me and shes like no and hes like but I drive good apparentlyu hes the only one there who isnt "a professional"
how professional are you that you cant even kidnap a child without getting weak in the knees
hypocrite
then she calls Driver a sociopath. nice
oh this is why the tumblr girlies like him. cos hes rude and rough oooooh!!!
i thought she just had dark eyelashes but nah she was liek im going on a highly dangerous job where anonimity is real important im gonna do my eyes all real nice im feeling like a smoky eye today
the girl asks her to take her blindfold off and she does cos shes just that fucking stupid i guess
surely she wont recognise me i covered up half my face!
then she undoes her handcuffs too. id be all for this if abigail instantly kills her here but from the gifsets i know we're not rid of lolly yet
or ever, most likely
im trying so hard to cry but idk what face to maaaake
how kaweewee.
why would she ask that.
oh he's her son. i didnt think they'd let her have a child i thought they were gonna pull the kid sibling card so uh. good on u there movie i guess
still stupidass character so far regardless
because im an ancient vampire cmon cmon cmon cmon cmo
dun dun duuuun
meanwhile temp tattoo and muscle bond over getting drunk together
jesus dude how many walnuts have you eaten
why do u even have glasses if you take them off every three seconds
im feelin hella sociopathic rn
leader somehow bumbles into the room with abigail in it oh no wait shes supposed to be bound and blindfolded so thats why hes surprised
they all rly wanna know who her dad is
oh no!!!! (whomsts)
(i assume we got a john wick situation here)
(but whomststs)
yeh its a john wick situation. yknow where the mob boss is all like noooo my son why did you kill john wicks puppy hes really strong and mean now hes gonna fuck us all up
and the audience knows theyre in for some actionpacked fun
tho idk how thats gonna work in a vampire movie. but im curious
apparently lazaar has an urban legend around him and also an empire.
leader's like we cant leave cos abigail saw my face so that sorts that problem. except it didnt cos literally everyone sans him and lolly can still leave
so they better try
anyways now theyre like we will defend the house!!! cos the money they'll get is worth their lives i guess.
most a the mdont know who lazaar is but muscle does so idk why hes staying. just leave dude
securing the perimeter cos this is resident evil 
with the old ass house ands the guns it does kinda feel resident evil-y. like not bad movie resident evil just regular resident evil i mean
lolly being a shit MC like Alice from RE is separate from that
seriously the more they show of this place the more the evil vibes resident
or
something
simultaneously i feel like im watching 13 ghosts
cos of how low quality this whole thing feels lol
except that movie had cool lore and also young matthew lillard and in this movie i have nothing.
:(
hi this guy and lolly have chemistry for no reason. man were a third trhough the movie and no fuckin vampires yet what is this
gross. the scream films tyler did also had horrible boyfriend characters. like if you cant do it right just dont do it at all you simp
god dammit here we go again with the old cartoons didnt know woody woodpecker was creative commons 0 yet but i guess it is
or hes universal idc
Mono: Maniacal laughter over TV and it's woody woodpecker
nobody, NOBODY would switch on a tv and then watch old as balls cartoons. she didnt even flip around she just went yeah this is ok people watching old cartoons and videogame consoles making pew pew pew!! noises like its 1950 are tropes that need to die.
anyway driver scares her and it makes me like him more cos it made the old cartoon stop. dont even care hes like, badly hitting on her or whatever
kill me. oh thank fuck we're sticking with driver ands not hacker who watches the shitty tv
huh guess they gave everyone temp tattoos.
ok. interesting fanny pack
with. markers in it why is driver the most interesting character in this movie so far
oh my godddd abigail is on a painting in the house!! but how???? i dont think driver ever saw her face so idk how he knows its her but whatever this movie has bigger problems
a door opens outta nowhere so i guess we're losing driver first wonder if theyre ever gonna use that thing they said about him being a sociopath cos so far hes done diddly squat indicating that
rat!
squares up
theres only one but ok
oh no he got grabbed probably not the rat doing that
shes dressed for a night out partying i can forgive the skirt but not the three belts or sparkly top cmon lads
or all the jewelry, really i mean i like wearing rings on a daily basis so maybe im not being fair but. idk man it bother me she looks so out of place
aw rip driver. he dead
it. it did do that, yeah. thats accurate
aw driver at least your legacy lives on.
apparently what happened to driver is something one of lazaar's hitmen likes to do to targets also, lazaar. like lazarus? like resurrection..?
oh yeh i guess one of them could be the guy. thatd be.. something
muscle is like hey now we get a bigger share and hackers like dude insensitive that was kinda funny
i like these two even if hacker is inexplicably stupid and watches annoying cartoons
muscle is also dumb but its more acceptable for him he just needs to be strongk
sniper is leaving i kinda hope he legit gets to go but i figure that means hes just death no. 2
man antler furniture is ugly. it shouldnt exist. you dont kill a buncha deer and then do this with their remains cmon thats just disrespectful
oh no door locked!! peter is leader btw. but im sticking with their jobs as i said
thank u muscle i love you oh peter is muscles name, not leader. oops
the whole house suddenly goes on lockdown to amp up the resident evil vibes some more
i feel like movies should just avoid ever using this line
ah i see the tank top is sagging lower now. that jacket's coming off any minute now uigghghghg
oh nooo leader has a secret uwu
i mean she could be lying.. but leader being a vampire would be a cool twist
i kinda doubt they'd do that though, that sounds too fun for how the movie is going so far
dun dun!
lolly tells him the leader=valdez thing asking the same questions the viewer would have
eg. then whats the point of the kidnapping
nother line movies should start avoiding more though what the fuck is going on is by far worse lol
apparently thats lolly's background she isnt just a good girl whos a cool girl who has morals and goes to church shes also a healer!!!!
shes just the goodiest good that ever gooded!!
and took part in a kidnapping she was fine with until she found out the target was a child.
hes so nice hed be the perfect boyfriend like ever wouldnt he guys dont you totally ship them ngl i do like sniper tho he's cool. this random putting these two together just came outta nowhere is all
i mean. i dont really like him. i just also dont hate him. im neutral
hacker and muscle are funny so i like them a bit beter
lolly is annoying and leader is just a caricature of an angry ex-cop so far so eh fuck them
huh that was fast. sniper is dead now too rip
something ripped half his face off
not very vampire-y but who am i to judge
lookin like baby nicolas cage guess cage was too busy being in other mediocre films and making them less mediocre with his presence
probably woulda helped this film too
bla bla bla gunpointing bla bla bla paranoia
muscle is like ugh guess i gotta kill the little girl or something
idk how they think thatll help them when theyre already being attacked but whatever
oh hes not gonna kill her just question her i guess idk.
oh no hes holding a gun nvm. death it is
then little lady lolly somehow overpowers the biggest guy in the group whos literally there cos he's so strong because thats so realistic and totally not a fetish particularly pathetic little men have--
ok sorry its just.
this feels like such a typical wet blanket guy type movie
with cool strong petite little women who save the day and say fuck sometimes cos theyre so cool
just fucking shoot lolly you troglodyte shes been nothing but a nuisance
is also still there.
ugggh finally why did you wait so looooong
what is the point of any of thiiiiiis
yeah just stand there and do nothing why not
aslso i know i said i liked her as a character and part of the reason i was interested in this film is cos i think shjes also in lisa frankenstein and that looks cool but idk if this actress is just kinda bad or shes directed to act bad cos all she does is just stand and look slightly confused tyler's like i already wrote the cool latina i have no other archetypes left for female characters so what am i supposed to have her do
so just standing there it is
now theyre just listing off ways to deal with her im. gonna skip ahead a little
this is boring
abigail got dressed up in the meantime
they all just stand there and do nothing while she dances
she just kinda punches hacker a little bit. idk also crosses and garlic and all that shit dont work on her cos she is Just That Special and Cool
like, so cool lads
lolly didnt come along on mission kill the little vampire cos shes just too cool and smart for that
everyone got hurt like, a little bit.
shes like lets do my plan cos im cool and smart and you are all dumb. also damn shes not wearing a tank top.
id be losing a lotta bets on this movie
uggggggggggggggggh how do i have like almost a full hour left of thiiiiiis if this came out in january im gonna feel stupid
ah no last month
guess they actually had faith in it (tho i think i read somewhere april is also a dump month. so maybe not.)
hacker findsa buncha corpses and has a bad time.
she is also in the pool.
she ballet dances through the hallway while about to kill someone cos megan danced in the hall and that makes it a fun and cool thing to do. except it was fucking stupid when megan did it and its fucking stupid now as well.
tho to be fair abigail has a bit more of an excuse cos she does ballet unlike megan who did it for no reason
man i didnt think a movie about a little vampire ballerina could be boring but they somehow did it
ok set design dropped the ball here thats hte most chaotic selection of animal skulls ive ever seen why would you do it that way it doesnt even look good
hes being choked so he cant help it but he sounds like a muppet hahahahahaha (sammy is hacker btw, not lolly.)
does not help script on every page says to just stand around. not sure what to do now
i have eyes you piece of shit movie why would you make him say that
god the writing is terrible
she killed driver and sniper mighty fast but now shes suddenly kinda shit at killing people what happened abby
unless that wasnt her i guess
hee hee swearing children are so cool! and totally not overdone
subtle. tyler you hack
anyways hacker got bit
great line and line read i kinda hate you too now
im so cool hee hee hoo hoo the casting call clearly said jodelle ferland but little and they failed im not fuckin buying this
idk they should kill you just to be sure you dont yknow. to be safe.
now they have a really annoying interrogation with abigail in a cell and im not watching it cos im actively having a bad time at this point
gonna unfollow the bitch who keeps making gifsets of this tripe
bla bla abigail is her dads hitman or some shit Joker: I think it'll depend on if she turns mindless or not, otherwise they'll "spare" her and she'll become their cool vampire teammate
bla bla vampire daddy issues bla Joker: Or at least that's how I see the trope play out
id agree but its so obvious everyone in this house except for lolly and probably abigail is gonna die
like there is no team
theres only bodies for the movie to kill off
fuckin hhell i can make a top three now with lines used in this movie of lines i wish movies would stop using
dude thats a bad reason in fanfic and you think you can get away with it in a big budget movie but yeah abigail set this whole thing up cos she wanted to kill some people cos she thinks its fun
so vermont or whoever the guy from the start is a familiar of hers or whatever
then she tries to manipulate muscle into letting her out of the cell cos she says shell spare two of them or something idk
still just here to dopily react to whats going on, has zero lines in 80% of the scenes she appears in
then lolly tells her to watch abigail cos thats such an amazing idea the girl who got bit and is a complete fucking moron yeah lets leave her with the big bad
she doesnt want to anyway so leader stays instead
yknow, the guy nobody trusts
cos that also makes so much sense :)
Joker: You can tell she realized the movie was bad and just decided to phone it in as best she can so she could just get her paycheck and go
god i hope youre right
if shes bad in lisa frankenstein im gonna be so disappointed.
wtf this girl was in the pokemon movie haha i didnt even notice what happened. maybe weird horror movies are more fun to be in dk
abigail tells leader how to get out and of course he immediately doublecrosses her by not letting her out of the cell. also note more horeshit dialogue. good god
shortly after abigail gets out anyway cos of course she does and we find out she does have ONE common vampire weakness: sunlight
big teeth. probably very uncomfortable to wear
ok leader i think now is actually a good moment to take your glasses off. (abigails hand exploded in his face when it was hit by sunlight. so. thats what that is)
wait theres no way that book has an edition that looks like this. i dont buy it
first edition looked like this you fuckin liars the one on the right not the left. the left one has an interesting spine but it didnt look old as balls enough i guess
oh is it gonna be a switch? wheres this going
oh nah its a joke cos it was just a book hee hee. man he looks rough.
then he rips out all the books hee hee hoo hoo so funny why dont you go write for marvel tyler youre so funny and with the times
or disney
or star wars
i want to chew the script into a big mushy ball
god im starting to lose my mind i recently stopped drinking except on social events and the TIMING COULD NOT HAVE BEEN POORER AAAAA I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH THIS SOBER GODDDDDDDDD
anyways theyve got sunlight now so theyre safe. no ones helping sam tryna break out for whatever reason i mean lolly. but it might as well be sam from scream
cos theyre the same character.
gasp oh no hacker turned and kills muscle. rip
god this is the ugliest vampire design ive ever seen. i hate the teeth they look like fucking lampreys
yknow these bitches oh its abigail through hacker btw so i guess hacker is technically dead
then they do a big dance scene of hacker mimicking abigails moves to an old song cos tyler saw wednesday's prom scene and rewatched it five million times actually. hold on
huh i thought maybe he directed it but no. really just a fan
so i guess shes dressed cute to make this scene look more interesting.
huh idk if this is struggling cgi or if somehow her mouth actually looks that big lol anyway now she has something to do i do have to say the actress is doing a good job playing deranged vampire crony
nahh thats gotta be cg shes even looking in two directions haha how did that happen
lolly reflects sunlight at her using a silver tray and rip abigail!hacker
roar oh no throckmorton is a vampire too! and also in the house, i guess. theyre tryna find a way out so they keep leaving the room with sunlight in it.
seems stupid to me but ok
movie coulda just have them stuck there tryna get out til it was night again but whatever
hes like abigail turned me and then her daddy thnreatened my family or something so now i bring his enemies here for her to kill but help me kill her and you'll live with 22 minutes on the clock.
the pacing on this movie, fucking hell
STOP SAYING FUCK GOD DAMMIT EVERYONE IN THIS MOVIE SWEARS LIKE CRAZY ITS SO ANNOYING JUST SHUT UP
he lured the dad there too i guess
oh no betrayal. we never saw that coming. especxially not with leader being the least trustworthy and most antagonistic person in the whole movie right from the start.
now its just lolly oh noooo im so surprised whatever will happen next.
this is just as good as scream 5 and 6 its riveting all the way through and i keep being surprised and amazed by what happens next and characters motives.
someone on tumblr thinks this is hot. anyway he immediately killed throckmorton so now its just him.
hes like wesker if wesker was really lame
man non-sfx based movies need to cool it with covering their MCs in blood this is so misleading
STOP SAYING FUCK SO MUCH YOUR SCRIPT IS ALREADY BAD YOURE JUST MAKING IT WORSE
every single goddamn line this man has said after turning has included the word fuck and most lines before then too but god damn is it shitty characterisation it just makes him sound so unserious
bluh bluh they fight i dont care im bored
yeah fuck you you're not getting that one liner out.
she stabs leader leader dead whole room covered in lasagna. id censor it but it legit looks like someone dropped a vat of chilli from the top of the stairs so fuck it.
the shots of people being splattered feel depraved at this point. im so skeeved out
gasp its her dad. the eyes look so shit. they make everyone look wall eyed
like im not even critisizing the movie itself its anytime a movie does eyes like this
it just doesnt work
smoosh
yay my dad came back now im happy
tyler im going to your house and shove you in a locker so hard you wont even know whats happening
leaves, movie over FINALLY what the fuck was the final line
jesus christ
ok so, what i learned from this movie is
im gonna avoid any horror movie made by tyler gillett in the future. He was part of VHS a long time ago and I still need to see that and its not him alone its a buncha different shorts so im ok with that, but im not watching a fucking thing he's done after that.
good god this was terrible
the scream films he did were shit but this was so much worse
plus the scream movies have another director alongside him so idk if that guy did the good scenes or something
do talk me but god i am angy
i hate all of you all. Majo: this could have been a fun B movie :( shame this seemed 0% appealing to watch
yeah it couldve been! god im almost impressed by how badly they fucked it up
Mono: the premise seems actually really interesting im so sad they couldn't make it work
yeah i think the premise sounds interesting too and i dont even need it to be good i just wanted to have fun but it wasnt even that
like god damn how do you mess that up so badly
Mono: something about this "okay we kidnapped this kid for money--OOH THE KID IS ACTUALLY A VAMPIRE HELP" sounds like it could be a hilarious dark comedy i think
yeah the fact that it turned out SHE orchestrated it cos its essentially a hobby for her is neat too but god the execution just
took any fun and excitement out of all of it
it also flip flops really hard between being serious and being funny which just means the movie doesnt have a tone at all
also i am still bothered lolly called driver a sociopath and they NEVER show why. he was just kinda goofy and then died
i know its a silly thing to get hung up on but thats a pretty severe thing to say about someone
maybe in 30 years someone will remake it and do a better job idk